Wednesday, July 29, 2020
I got on the scales this morning after a slight gain last week. It's summertime here in southern Ontario, Canada and it's usually humid, which plays havoc on me. I hold water, even though I drink lots to keep my system flushed.
I am down to 199.6 lb.!!! Back to ONEderland! How it missed it!!
I have had a lifelong battle with weight since childhood, like millions of others. I am nothing special with that. Fat kid at school. Doctor told Mom when I was six, that everything I ate would turn to fat. Reaffirmed by another doctor in the 90's when I discussed it with him because he was on me about my weight. I have a condition called dyslipidemia, translated I have naturally high triglycerides and carry too much fat in my blood. Most of the women on both Mom's and Dad's sides were big, and I figure I got it from Dad's mom as she was a big lady all her life. Back then, they didn't medically know what they know today. Especially where I come from.
I managed to lose the weight in high school by REALLY working at it. I managed to keep it off by really working at it until my first child 33 years ago. My now ex-husband would pretend to support me but would then complain I wasn't cooking properly (high fat as opposed to healthy) and tease me about exercising. Deep down now, I realize he was afraid I would lose the weight and leave. Well, fast forward to 2006 and he's the one that left and instead of crying, I rejoiced. Lots of other abuses that went with his leaving. Not physical. He tried that a couple of times, and I fight back twice as hard. He never tried that again at least. But I was very heavy from stress when he left. I was dealing with the stuff he was doing, my parents ailing, work and two teenagers. After we separated, my parents got worse, still two teens and work, and cleaning up what messes he had left.
My weight ballooned to 230 lb. I decided to get my act together and in 2008 I got down to 195 lb. I was so happy! In 2009, things got worse with my mother's health and Dad's. Plus my kids at home, working 31 1/2 hrs a week and juggling full-time college to get my life together. When Dad died in January 2010, I was 234 lb. Dad was my best friend so I took it very hard and ten years later, I still have my days. I always will according to an aunt I was close to. I was still dealing with everything and managed to lose 50 lb. by 2011. I worked so hard.
I got together with my now husband, who I grew up with, in 2011. He has always been "husky" as they used to call chubby boys. Except he loves junk food, take out, etc. So when he moved in, I was working two jobs, watching my new granddaughter, we now had seven people to clean up after, thankfully they did their own laundry! My weight quickly ballooned back up to 218. I was so depressed, despite Dana (hubby) saying he loved me as I was and my weight didn't matter, I was beautiful to him. Well, I am not beautiful to me. I have always been my worst enemy.
Even in my slim days, I still saw an ugly, fat kid in the mirror. Now I am 56 and seeing an old woman. I have a lot more health issues to deal with now to boot.
I managed to get down to 188 lb. and was just 4 lb. away from my original 50 lb. halfway mark. I slipped with stress and busyness of life, got off track, and bam. Back to over 200 lb. I got back to 215 at one point. That was over a year ago and I have been fighting it.
The last month and a half, I have been paying more attention. I have a hard time exercising but I do move a lot at work in safety shoes. I have leg and foot issues that make going for walks painful and not happening right now. My orthotics will be ready in three weeks so I am hoping to get some relief.
But I have been really watching my intake and making sure I drink a lot of water as opposed to coffee and teas. It's working because this morning I am back to 199.6 lb!
I plan to keep going and never see 200 lb. again on this 5'2" frame! I need to be an example to my 9 year old granddaughter who has no weight problems thankfully, my kids, stepkids and hoping my new baby granddaughters never remember me as a fat grandma.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.