I am capable
Tuesday, August 18, 2020
Inaction seemed easier, somehow. I would rather not even try than to try and fail. And so, I became unhappy in my life. It wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t who I wanted to be. But the idea of making changes seemed so overwhelming. My whole life needed an overhaul.
Therapy was my first step. I started talking about things deep within that I never realized were bothering me. Having someone to talk to lifted a weight off me that I didn’t realize was there. I kept bringing up that I wasn’t happy with this version of me that I present to the world. I journaled about the best version of myself and a life that would make me happy. It encouraged me to take action and make a change.
So I started small. No more chores on weekends. Laundry, including bedding and towels, was done on Monday’s and put away the same day. Dishes ran in the dishwasher every night and unloaded every morning. I started picking up throughout my day to keep the house clean. Whatever I started, I finished and felt accomplished.
On a whim with a major discounted coupon, I signed up for HelloFresh. It’s become fun and exciting to be in the kitchen and making dinners. We eat together as often as we can, phone free, and just talk - something we haven’t done in years. We enjoy dessert every night to satisfy our sweet tooth.
I workout in the mornings before work. Sometimes at home and sometimes at a gym. Just a few exercises or something more intense. I let it depend on my mood and what my body wants. I move just because it feels good.
I journal regularly. I take bubble baths and read books. I decorate my house. I make plans with friends. I don’t just sit on the couch and watch TV anymore.
My husband saw a happier wife and now wants to make changes to be happier, too. We have quality time over meals. Once a week we talk about how the week went, and go over our budget and goals for the upcoming weeks and months. He sent me flowers just because. Our marriage is getting stronger.
I haven’t binged in months. I just haven’t had the desire. I’m eating yummy foods without tracking them. I’m moving my body because it feels good and not because I look in the mirror and get mad. Im realizing that, I can do this. I’m happy. I’m content. I’m capable.