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It is NOT the “Easy Way”

Friday, October 09, 2020

I love my sister. She is usually the most kind, generous and giving of herself and her time. She takes in all sorts of strays, human and animals alike. She said something to me yesterday that was hurtful, and I do not think she even realized it.

Like many of you here, I have struggled with my weight for a long time. For the last two years I was fighting a clinically diagnosed low resting metabolic rate and physical injuries that made exercise exceedingly difficult. I was at a point where I could not eat any less or exercise enough to create a calorie deficit in a truly healthy and sustainable way. (I could have used liquid meal replacements, but that is all I would have been able to “eat”, therefore not sustainable.) I also have mild to moderate obstructive sleep apnea and I use a c-pap machine. That is what helped me medically qualify for weight loss surgery. I never really considered surgery until I had a bad meniscus tear to my right knee, followed by an MCL tear. I was losing the battle of my own biology, and I was terrified of what the excess weight would do in the future. I was not extremely overweight, less 80 lbs. from a healthy BMI, but I was not losing, and the weight was slowly going up. The decision to have Gastric Bypass surgery was made after talking with my doctors. I needed to not just lose weight, but to STOP gaining when I was doing all I could. I had the surgery and I have now lost a total of 67 lbs. I am 9 lbs. away from having a BMI that is considered normal, and a lot of the joint pain I was having has resolved, though I am still having some issues with the right knee.

So, the hurtful thing my sister said when she saw me for the first time since surgery was, “You’re looking good, but you took the easy way.” I was dumbfounded. I had a major abdominal surgical procedure. I had to take a month off work to recover. I had to re learn how to eat, and not following the plan can lead to complications. I am now at a higher risk of experiencing a bowel blockage for the rest of my life. I struggle to stay hydrated (you physically can not chug if you are really thirsty) and not make myself physical sick. It is NOT the “Easy Way”, but for some of us, it is the only way.

For all of you who have had a surgical weight loss procedure and have reclaimed your life, do not let ANYONE try to make you feel less for having it done. For those who are thinking about it, know that you WILL have to work to make it happen and to make it successful, so do not thing you are “Cheating” or “Taking a short-cut” or doing “The easy thing” because it is anything but easy.
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  • no profile photo PURPLEMOON1
    Your sister might not understand all that you went through and truly believes it's easier than dieting.
    Were you able to talk to her and explain the situation to her? Hopefully she'll begin to understand.
    Information from some websites might help her to understand also. Good Luck!
    233 days ago
  • -KARMA-
    There is no Easy Way! I'm sorry your sister said that, she clearly doesn't understand but I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. We all have to get there in our own way. I had both of my knees replaced because I was in too much pain to exercise. Everyone has their path. You are brave and resilient, and should be proud as hell of yourself! The next hard part is ahead-keeping it off :) I'm just starting down that unpaved road...

    You've got this, and we've got you!

    233 days ago
    People say such hurtful things. I am so sorry your sister said what she did. You know it wasn't easy by any means and we all know that too. Why someone who loves you can be so insensitive is mind boggling. I have been trying to channel Queen Elsa from Frozen myself. It is not easy letting it go because it hurts.
    My daughter had the surgery. It was in no way easy and if someone said that to her in my presence I'd let them know a thing or two. That's just the Italian momma in me speaking. emoticon
    Bravo on all the hard work before, during and now as you continue on your journey. Hugs!!
    235 days ago

    It is not the easy way. People just don't think sometimes.
    266 days ago
  • WILDKAT781

    This is not even close to being easy!
    268 days ago
    Thrilled that you're just 9 pounds from reaching your goal. Earlier, you described your sister as a kind and loving individual. Her comment while hurtful, came from a place of ignorance and a lack of knowledge. She needs to lose her preconceived notion about your journey. Sit down with her and explain it just as you have to us. Then forgive her. If not for her then for YOURSELF as the hurt will weigh more on you than any amount of weight. HUGS
    284 days ago
  • CHERYL4808
    Your procedure can be a life saver and requires dedication, discipline and courage. Family can say the darndest things and not even realize it. I’m dealing with my own version of that with my family. The pain is real. I acknowledge it when I feel it, breathe, and strive not to be deviated from my best choices. Wishing you a wonderful healthy weekend. emoticon
    287 days ago
    I’m sorry that your sister hurt your feelings. It is definitely not the easy way
    287 days ago
    Ugh. It's frustrating when people we love say things that are uninformed and hurtful. YOU know what you needed to do for your health, and that is no one else's business. If someone made the mistaken assumption that I'd done something the "easy" way I'd be inclined to say "I'm healthier now than I've ever been. What difference does it make how I got here?"
    287 days ago
    I'm sorry that your sister thinks that you took the easy way out. I really don't believe that it is the easy way out. Enjoy your weekend!
    287 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4994568
    Wow! What a thing to say to someone!! She obviously does not know how many hoops someone has to move through before the surgery as well as everything after. Part of me say blow her off. And part of me says send her information and ask if she would have the fortitude to go through something like that.

    Hugs to you, my dear! You are taking care of yourself in the best possible way!
    287 days ago
    Weight loss is NEVER easy. What you did was extremely brave. Maybe because you lost it so quickly is why she said that?. Consider it a compliment, because she sees how great you look in so quick of a small time period. Its amazing when I see that you lose weight every week. It's inspiring that you are so disciplined in your eating.
    I would NEVER say you did this the easy way. Never. I pray you never have complications and you remain successful and more importantly, healthy.
    287 days ago
    287 days ago
    I am sorry to hear ypur sister thinks you took the easy way out. She really doesn't know what you went thru.
    287 days ago
  • JUNETTA2002
    You certainly did not take the easy route. I also had a Gastric Bypass and it's a hard road.
    287 days ago
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