February 1, 2021 ~ 3 Years old
Today, I called out my 3 year old self. Asking for my angels, guides and Jesus to help with this meditation. Using my bear as a surrogate, I held her in my arms, immediately I felt so deeply sad. Feeling that I was bad, feeling what my 3 year old self felt. Kept saying I am sorry for being so bad, dirty and doing those bad things. Mama, I will try to be gooder. Sorry mama, I will be good, over and over. My bottom hurts, my mouth hurts, my whole body hurts, it burns, burns. Bawling, feeling everything. As a 3 year old not understanding the whys of what mama and daddy was doing. Over and over “I will be gooder.” She then got so scared, not being able to mover her body, being buried in the ground, so scared from all the spiders on top of her then the dirt. She started counting to try to help her breathe and deal with what was going on. Then she found herself in such calm, loving energy. The angels were holding her, she really didn’t understand what it was but felt the love, lightness and peace. But when they said she had to go back, she was again scared and kept bugging them to let her say there. She was crying to stay there and promised to be good. Im sorry for being bad, please let me stay. So scared, she was sucked back into her body with mama doing CPR on her, once she awoke, mama just got mad and hit her, then pulling her hair to the tub to get washed up because she was covered in dirt. Little Jetta felt so defeated, confused, ashamed, scared, beaten and dirty. I then told her that she was never bad, she was never dirty and that she is all clean. She was always clean, she is not dirty, she is not bad, she is light and love. They were just afraid of her because she was so good and special. I told her how much I loved her, how brave she is. I will always take care of her and she will never be hurt like that again. I will protect her and be with her forever. Together we will wash away all that stuff in the special fountain of life. I then held her in the healing waters, washing us both of all the pain, darkness, fear, shame, confusion, and anything that is not the true light of us.
I then raised her up as in the Lion King so proud, so beautiful, so sweet, so perfect in every way. We stepped out of the fountain, onto the path back to the elevator, I showed her the beautiful white and pink roses on each side of the path. I picked up a beautiful white rose and showed it to her, telling her how clean and perfect she is too. Then bringing it into her heart, I picked up one for me too and brought it into my heart as well. Stepping into the elevator pushing the button to go back to the 1st floor, our body. And as we were going back down, we enmeshed together, feeling full. I am so thankful, so blessed, what another amazing experience. Not only a meditation but a huge healing for me. I feel like the luckiest person on earth. So loved and whole! Tears of happiness and thankfulness. My heart is truly full! What a way to start the day!