What is love?
Saturday, February 06, 2021
That word is so twisted as a baby, child, teen and even young adult. I know that for the first time in this life, when I had died at the age of 3 and went to heaven, experiencing love. Love that I never had felt on this earth. there aren't even any words to say the feeling. But when they sent me back, I with the mind of a 3 year old thought that I didn't deserve to stay there, I didn't deserve the real love. I was such a bad little girl, I thought I had to go back to my body and be punished some more. This beautiful, pure, innocent and special little girl had no idea she was good at all. The brainwashing already then that the parents did to her.
Well, now it comes to the new memories that came up with my meditation and prayers yesterday. At age 7, I had new memories of every time I was raped even as a little baby, they would tell me that this is love. this is how you love daddy, mama, brother, sister or anybody. My mind was altered to what the word love meant. They twisted the word "love" to their own advantage. Thus confusing me for my whole life. I am almost 64 years old and still have to deal with all the brainwashing they did to me. I know what love is. I know the love of God, Jesus and my angels, for I would have died many times over if not for them.
How do I change the meaning for love from so many broken parts of me? As an adult, I truly know what love is. I have the most wonderful, supportive, loving husband of 25 years. I have good people in my life. I honor and believe in Jesus and God. The real God and Jesus, not the ones they abused me with. Having to change the brainwashing, lies and sick things they did to me in the name of love........ well, to abuse that sacred word for a small innocent baby, child, teen and young adult is sick, abusive and wrong. The hardest part is that I truly did love each of them. Which that alone is confusing to me at times.
Its hard to know how or what to do at this point. I have been working on forgiving and "loving" myself for the last 30 or so years.
So again, What is love? They hurt me with that word, do deeply.
THE REAL LOVE IS ME!
THE REAL LOVE IS GOD!
THE REAL LOVE IS MY HUBBY!
THE REAL LOVE IS MY THERAPIST
THE REAL LOVE IS HEAVEN!
THE REAL LOVE IS ??????????
I am crying so hard right now. I know what the real love is in my heart, but in my mind it is dirty. Fighting with my heart and mind at the same time.
I don't know if they will have me delete my blog this time, they have before in the past because it bothers people or makes them feel bad. Will see.