Wednesday, February 10, 2021
Well. It has been a hard very emotional day here. Too much to get into and none of it is good. I went off track because I am frustrated and angry. I ate dragon fruit, chocolate covered strawberries and grapes so far that is off track. I know. It is fruit. I am diabetic and insulin dependent and should not be eating that. I had made dinner ahead of time and made egg roll in a bowl. I got all my boys here. One having thoughts of hurting himself, the second got a death threat while teaching and now police are involved and my third is home schooling still at 5:15 pm to try to keep up with his classes. My husband is working double shifts and is taking things verbally out on me. And in front of the boys. Which makes me mad and I will not engage in.
I will deal with stuff as it comes up. One step at a time one issue at a time. I am hurting inside. I am in a position that the only way I can help is to support and guide. I wish I could take away the bad things. But I know I can not.
The one who has suicidal thoughts I have seeing his psychiatrist in the morning and he is staying with me so he isn't alone. Mental health is tough and long and patience is needed. Understanding is appreciated.
My husband and middle son are being extremely snippy with me and absolutely not appreciating me.and I know I have to ride that out. I let them both know separately I do not deserve it and they need to check themselves. I get that I am the safe one to take things out on and they are both at their wits end. But it is not right. I let them know that.
I had trouble holding back tears earlier today. But I have gathered myself and am just frustrated .