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Still working on "love"

Thursday, February 11, 2021

I am still working through my last age of 7 and the word love! it is so sick that people use a word like that, one we would use for the rest of our life. A word my so called father started teaching even as a baby as well as my stepfather later on. A word that those evil people made dirty and to mean something really bad instead of what the truth is. The truth from God! But to a young child, their minds are so mold-able and all have the belief that mama and daddy don't lie to you. As a young child, your parents are your whole world, God so to speak, one you look up to, love with your whole heart. (there is that word again)

I know this will pass and I will heal this with the help of my therapist and God. But right now, it is hard to say that word without feeling dirty, gross and bad. Why should I not be surprised though. They (the cult) took every good word of the bible and of God and turned it around for their own sick and evil purposes. All the holy holidays, they made evil, even God and Jesus they taught was the bad ones. They (tried) ruined almost every holiday including my birthday, mothers and fathers day and way more. Even the upside down crosses they used as altars. I got off coarse here but you get the point. It has been a battle my whole adult life to change their programing and lies and darkness.

I love you! I love me! but it hurts saying that right now. is it true? it is with my heart but not my mind that they tried to control and still fight with. This isn't just a little easy task to change. But DEEP programing and mind control, with pain and torture to make sure it stuck. they even made the sign language signal of 'I love you" to mean a devil in the cults. The horns for the fingers and the tail for the thumb.

Praying that I will soon be free to love again. Without guilt and those evil people making it dirty. I need to forgive myself first then mama and daddy but it is so much easier to forgive them than me. The shame that goes with every time I say that to someone. To take these tapes out of my head/thoughts/mind and be clean and free like the innocent little girl I should have been. I am sorry to my 7 year old self (and younger) that she was hurt so deeply and wrong. I need to change it that my daddy and mamma was the bad, dirty and evil ones not me. I wonder what it would have been like to have normal parents, how different I might have been.

Thanks for listening.
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  • no profile photo CD2672953
    37 days ago
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    148 days ago
  • CHERIE38
    Namaste words are funny, What they mean to one person can be so completely different to another.

    for me the word God, caught me up from being raised in a catholic family and Guild was attached to GOD, all my failing were attached to GOD.

    when one grows up in an environment where real love isn't present, it makes the concept of LOVE taste sour/ off/ painful

    May you find peace, switch out the word.. Joy?
    170 days ago
    Jetta, I'm sending you some strength & courage to help you go thru this process. I believe in you & have faith that you can & will heal from this. Continue doing amazing things. ((Big hugs))
    173 days ago
    Jetta you were abused .. disrespected by people with mental illness .. Satan worshipers .. forgive them .. turn toward God .. He will make you whole .. send forgiveness to your parents .. free yourself from them and the past ... step in to NOW
    174 days ago
    Jesus is our source of light .. to dispel the darkness .. no weapon formed against us will prosper .. put Satan and all those that worship him .. under your feet .. step in to the promises of God .. shake off the past .. look up .. let go to become ❤
    174 days ago
    So very sorry You’re are safe here, Thank you for sharing
    174 days ago
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