This past week two of my friends and I had an online meeting to try to work out an issue that had arisen between us. My two friends are followers of a certain teaching.
We decided to use instructions given in that teaching, to try to work things out. These instructions are very simple really BUT we need to remember to actually put them into practice! They worked extremely well and it was a very healing experience for me to use these 'tips' as a guide and to see the problems dissolve.
That 's why I am sharing below the summary I made of those instructions. Know that I myself am not a follower of this teaching, nor is this a Biblical teaching, and it's not an attempt to proselytize! My goal is simply to share steps that can work wonders in overcoming discord between people.
The original summary was in Dutch, I used Google Translate to translate it (back into) English.
"Solve problems by DISCUSSING them EMPATHICALLY. I.e. listening with silent or outspoken recognition that how the other felt / feels is as valid as how we feel.
It is not only a battle over what was actually done and said but also a 'battle of (human) consciousness'. The conflict arises from the person's personality, the type of ego drive of the person, the basic beliefs about right and wrong, and the person's current attitude towards life and other people.
1. Tell your "opponent" that you are taking time to stop and calm your mind in order to listen more helpfully.
2. Call on Divine Consciousness for an intervention of Loving Consciousness in the situation.
3. Realize, or envision, that both of you stand in the Light of Divine Consciousness, equal in soul origin and in destiny, equally unique. You need to immerse yourself in this state of being if you are to be ready to stand in the Light to sort out your conflict and hurt feelings.
4. Propose that you will meet and that each has five or ten minutes, during which you calmly explain your point of view and your understanding of what was said;
* what the fight is really about,
* how feelings were hurt,
* how the case should be resolved.
5. Let the other speak first and surrender the situation to Divine Consciousness again. Try to control your ego when it is hit by bitter accusations; keep still and calm.
6. Do your best to see how much is true of what is being said about you, whatever it is. If it is valid, bite your tongue and accept it. Awareness. Listen to the other person's feelings. Try to hold back your own feelings and empathize with your sparring partner's emotions. Feel his hurt, indignation, worry. Put your own aside and feel his.
8. Wonder how you would feel if someone had done or said these things to you.
9. Wait until the five or ten minutes have passed, even if the other person has already finished speaking. Then just wait in silence.
10. Kindly acknowledge that you have heard what he said and that you can understand why he is upset. If you have not really understood what he has told you, then you are mentally blocking what he says; you do not want to hear or receive it. Invite him to explain further and do your best again to put yourself in his place. Feel his pain, understand his anger.
11. When you have received and acknowledged the other with understanding, his defense mechanisms will diminish and you will see him relax; you both start to feel better.
12. After this, calmly, slowly, and carefullydescribe the way you felt in the circumstances. Don't use words aimed at belittling him (be neutral). Remember that you are working to create peace and understanding between you and that your answer should not be further entangled by words that further upset your opponent. In the latter case, your ego has won this round against you.
A difficulty you may encounter: He feels that you want to score points by pretending to be 'holy' or 'superior'. Respond by saying that it is painful to have a conflict and that you are only trying one method to ensure that you both get a fair hearing and can achieve true reconciliation.
13. Give each other the right to disagree in soft terms. Realize that no one can ever be right all the time and that the other person is just as convinced that he is right as you are, and that you both have an ego that seeks the upper hand.
When you can bring Divine Consciousness into your human consciousness, you have received the human reality of both within yourself. This is extremely important for your well-being. If you refuse to hear and accept the truth from the other with loving forgiveness, the rejection creates an emotional "magnetic rejection" energy that joins other similar forces in your system and weakens the bonding mechanism between cells; this is bad for your health. Physical and emotional breakdown can be healed by observing your possible tendency to judge others and to want to rule, and by giving your "soul" dominion in your personality. Stop blaming and judging others and open your mind to your own part in conflict.
14. If all you encounter is resistance, a repetition of statements about how the other person was hurt by you despite your attempts to offer space and understanding, then smile and distance yourself. Admit your defeat; you have still prevented yourself from entering into a realm of negative vibrations."
This is a summary of the pages 395 - 402 of the Dutch version of the book 'Christ Returns - Speaks His Truth'. There is an English version as well, and all of the content of the book can be found at thechristletters.weebly.