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I took yesterday off, was feeling off...

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Trying to get back into the swing of the blogging, which I know helped me last time.

I have a start and that toehold back to health is a good thing. One positive about having a BMI over 30 is that I will be eligible for the COVID-19 vaccine as of next Monday at the latest, then the trick will be finding one. I know a lot of people have gotten theirs already... but I am still waiting. Oregon's rollout hasn't been the best, but we are also lucky in that our cases have been relatively low... but we locked down pretty early and have been very cautious coming out of the social distancing rules. I still worry that we are moving too fast.

As a former Communicable Disease RN in Public Health, I get the nuts and bolts of things in a way that most people don't. The worldwide response has been pretty bad unless you are New Zealand or South Korea... and the US has been abysmal.

But me and mine have stayed healthy, luckily and I hope it remains that way. It has been a very trying year... and yet I feel very blessed too. We bought a bigger house and moved my daughter & her family from Missouri to Oregon just 5 months before the pandemic struck. My job was already a work from home position... so not much changed for me overall. I am filled with gratitude that my daughter and I both had the same sense of urgency to get them moved earlier than our original timeline. We have a nice home, plenty to eat, and each other. The worst of my concerns has been not being able to have my favorite doritos for a few months... I'm doing okay.

So now I'm trying to dig out of the depression that has developed over the last years. From the pandemic to politics & so many things in-between in 2020, I just really didn't care about anything.. from my weight, and at times, even more personal survival... sometimes just wishing I could go to sleep and be done with it all. (Mind you I never once contemplated making that happen... NEVER). So I have tried to keep busy with work, crafts, getting out into the woods... and now I'm working to get back to being active and healthy.

I haven't gained any weight for 6 weeks, and I have been much better about calorie counting. I also have alarms set to make sure that I'm getting up and moving 2x daily for my morning and afternoon breaks. I treadmill for one and go outside in the neighborhood for the other, weather permitting.

The truth is, I have a lot of good things in my life, but not having the stability I have kind of counted on during most of my life is jarring and difficult. So I think taking control of the things I can now are where it's at... and it gives me a grounding.

I still have some pretty darned dark days. But my family needs me and that is a big part of what is keeping me here.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What you describe sounds very much like clinical depression. Have you talked with your doctor about this? It is good that you’re taking steps to better your situation and improve your outlook, but are you aware that clinical depression sometimes happens to people whose situation is ideal and their outlook is excellent? Clinical depression requires treatment...and there are several treatment options. It won’t get better on its own. Clinical depression is not something you can control. Being under a doctor’s care is essential for both your health and your safety and for your family’s sake. Please do not delay getting yourself under professional care. Please. emoticon emoticon
    93 days ago
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