KISSFAN1
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Taking Care of Myself Again

Tuesday, May 04, 2021

Life has a way of repeating itself and I'm proof of that. I have to say that I'm disappointed in myself because here I am again, starting from scratch, rock bottom, etc. I'm at the place I vowed I would never be again. It's hard for me to look back on all the struggles, hard work, and honestly, stubbornness, that helped me to make it to my goal weight and lower.

Somewhere along the way I lost my focus on "me" again. I have always felt selfish if I focused on my life and me because of extreme trauma and abuse in my childhood and beyond. I lost my only sibling, my sister, after reuniting with her after years of not speaking due to our abusive parents. So many other traumatic things have happened along the way including dealing with anxiety and depression due to those circumstances.

I fell back into the predictable routine of taking care of everyone else and ignoring myself. I'm back though, I have to get myself back on track again and put myself in the important category as well. I made the decision recently that I could not wing it anymore and just guess at how much I was eating or else I would be gaining more than I already have.

It's very frustrating that I have no one to blame but myself, but I have to do what I did before. Focus on my health, my nutrition, my happiness and realize once and for all that it's not selfish to put yourself in the equation of importance. This body is all that we have on this earth. I know this time it will be more difficult as I am older, I am dealing with extreme pain on a regular basis, etc. but I can't let obstacles stop me from reaching my goals again.

It may take me longer this time due to my age and health issues. I have to wipe away the shame I feel for not taking care of myself the way I should have.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KISSFAN1
    Golfgma - Thank you for the positive encouragement! I've learned that it's not just the physical things we do that make a change in our life, we have to also include the mental too. I'm working hard on the mental part.
    37 days ago
  • GOLFGMA
    You have made the decision to get healthy and we are all in this together. We stick together to support and help each other fight back to better health or get there when we had never been healthy. emoticon
    38 days ago
  • KISSFAN1
    Thanks so much for the boost! I am determined to not let my past and all the issues I've dealt with cause me to feel I'm not worth focusing on. Not feeling sorry for myself because of what happened to me but rather I'm sharing what has caused me to be back where I am again. I thought I had succeeded in so many areas but I see that I still have work to do mentally too. Thanks again!
    39 days ago
  • TRAVELGAL417
    emoticon Every one of us has had ups and downs. We are not perfect. We are only human. You can get back up and start a program and succeed. Do it one step at a time. Get on a team on Sparks for support. Blog daily. Exercise - start small and work up. But stay in the present, work on getting your kitchen food clean- junk food out of the house. I had an abusive childhood. Many people have. You can succeed and will succeed - one day at a time with support from Sparks. My biggest problem was putting myself first. You deserve to focus on yourself. You are a beautiful human being. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    39 days ago
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