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I’d rather skip it

Friday, May 07, 2021

There are certain days of the year that put me in a irritated birthday and Mother’s Day. There are reasons for each...the root cause is that I have had to share or have obligations attached to those days, in which I have had no real choice.

You will say, “well, you always have a choice!”...true, but with choices come aftermath. Sometimes the path of least resistance keeps the peace.

My birthday: always connected with some sort of mental anguish when I was younger. I didn’t have many friends. Kid birthday parties were with neighbor kids, or my very few school friends, and those dwindled away quickly. Family birthday parties took over - my mom would make whaterever we asked for. I asked for duck one year, just because...and she made it! My last birthday with her being alive was my sweet 16. She was very ill, but wanted me to have a high school the friend zone definitely increased and I did have a house party...and I had people there that I am still shocked that came. Everyone else was having banquet hall parties, my at home hangout playing Video games and eating chips was a welcome break for my peers. I still have the gifts I got from that birthday.

After that....birthdays were just not celebrated the same way. We celebrated birthdays but it just wasn’t the same without her there. Don’t know if my siblings feel the same, but I have always felt that.

Fast forward to meeting my hubby...his birthday is a week before mine....his family celebrates differently, gifts and dinner and cake, pictures of the group around the cake to commemorate. It’s nice. It’s also the complete opposite of what I have been accustomed to. We started out as going over to his parents house for his bday....and mine was tacked onto that one. Over time, that became the norm. Currently, we celebrate each day separately, just us, going out to dinner but picking a day to consolidate the family gatherings to kill two birds with one stone. The month of February is packed with many other family early March birthday is on the tail end and by that time, I’m kinda done with people lol Too much of a good thing, you know?

Now Mother’s Day is another thing. Before kids, obviously we spent it with my in laws. My moms dead so, there ya go. I miss her terribly around this time of year, always have. Nothing much I can do about that. 19 years ago, I went into labor on Mother’s Day ....the irony has not been lost on me lol With that blessed event, we were now faced with not only Mother’s Day but a birthday as well!

I handled that by having brunch Mother’s Day/birthday combos with the family. My poor son has had to share that day for years...not really with me, but with the trappings that come along with it....have to see my MIL, no matter what. As my son grew, things changed, brunch birthday combo shifted. I’ve tried doing things that would possibly deter a big in-law gathering to celebrate my sons birthday instead...we camped one year, it was great, up until the point of my hubby suggesting that we invite his parents out to the campsite, because of Mother’s Day.

I think that was the day I gave up trying. My son expressed that he doesn’t really care about celebrating his birthday. I totally get it. This year he is away at college, and he and his friends are going to drive to Philadelphia to run up the rocky steps....I told him to go for it!

This year I pushed back and expressed that maybe I would like a choice on what to was a heated fate would have it, by hubby’s teaching course starts and we can’t really do much of anything now that he’s in class the next few Sundays. Prayer answered? LoL

I created a list of things that would make me happy. I’m pretty simple: it’s getting favorite foods, or visiting the beach for a bit, or taking a walk at a favorite park. I don’t aspire to much adventure because I get anxious in certain situations. Creature of comfort. My whole family is like that. Very much like my mom loved going and seeing new things. I do to, but getting to places and dealing with travel and people isn’t my favorite thing...add a hubby who is similar and we don’t do much of anything unless it’s planned out and cleared on the calendar, however I do get an itch sometimes and when I do, it’s not the right time to do anything. I’m trying to expand my scope, especially with a son away at college. At least I’ll have a reason to travel now.

Anyway...that’s where I’m at now. I’d rather skip it and ignore the day entirely than deal with it. My plan right now it to tend to my garden if the weather permits. Maybe take a solidarity drive to the beach to see the waves. Grab some food that I have been wanting to have for a while.

Wishing all the moms out there a relaxing Mother’s Day weekend ahead!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    37 days ago
    I feel for you. Missing my mum since I was 29 and can’t see my daughter at the moment because of COVID, her being in the UK while we in France. I’m like you, encouraging my daughter to do what SHE wants on her special day.
    38 days ago
    Whatever you choose to do, may your day be full of love and peace emoticon
    38 days ago
    Glad you’ll be able to spend this weekend quietly doing your own thing.

    I understand the unpleasant baggage attached to certain holidays. My mom died when I was a similar age (15), and I used to dread that time of year rolling around. For some reason people think it’s funny to complain about mothers around Mother’s Day. I would just keep silent, thinking, “Would you rather your mother were dead?”

    That fortunately doesn’t happen very often anymore because now many of my peers’ parents have also deceased.
    38 days ago
    Thanks for sharing this, Annie. These days do become complicated as they accumulate baggage (good and bad) every year. I never was big on these Hallmark holidays before I became a mom, but now, I'm like, "you're darn right I deserve an effing prize!" I am also pretty easy to please, though. I think we're going to order tacos this year.

    38 days ago
  • DALID414
    I think you’re on to something, this explains my weepiness this week….
    38 days ago
    These "Special" days bring up a lot of memories. Some happy and some sad.

    You triggered a memory of my 11th birthday. It was a Sunday and my parents took me into Manhattan to St Patrick's Cathedral to pray as Dad did on that Sunday 11 years before.

    I never minded going to church, but I was hoping we were going to Madison Square Garden to ice skate. I tried to look happy. They were. A priest saw us and came up to talk to us.
    Mom explained why we were there. He must have noticed my attempt to look happy.
    He returned with a present for me from the Cathedral bookstore. It was a beautiful book about the Life of St Bernadette. I still have it.
    38 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/7/2021 8:17:04 AM
    So sorry that you lost your mom so young! That must make special days very difficult.
    38 days ago
  • RKEKES1968
    U know it is hard ! My mom died as well in Jan of 2020 and it is hard . Miss her VERY MUCH !! We do things to celebrate with my sister and my nieces . I hope u have a blessed day whatever u decide to do!!
    38 days ago
    Maybe they don’t need to be an event, keep it low key
    38 days ago
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