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just sayin’ … it’s now or never

Friday, May 21, 2021

Yesterday was a difficult day for me … grief hits when you are least ready for it.

We had a day planned … getting in our walks and getting the puppy dogs their annual vaccinations and then spending the late afternoon and evening with DS2 and fam.

I got my walk in on the treadmill coz it was raining here … 4/5 done.
Hubby has started walking so he got his done.
Lunch was served and then off to the mobile vaccinations for the pups.
Then we took the dogs to a park for a long walk in the sunshine coz the weather is different just 30 miles away and it was 3 in the afternoon.

Ended up at DS2’s for a wonderful smoked roast supper in their brand-new Weber smoker. Hugs and laughter with the g-kids. Ahhh. Wonderful day … right.

Well, I left out the part about hearing from BFF Sharon’s son in the morning. We compared to-do-lists, coordinated our trip to Texas after his trip from Oklahoma to Sharon’s.

Reminisced and cried together. Got permission to “receive” a couple of items that I bought and gave to Sharon while I’m cleaning up her home.

The sense of finality loomed over me all day.
This really did happen.

Sharon’s son will be faced with selling his grandfather’s hand-built log cabin on the remaining 6+ acres … the land started at 60+ acres. His grandfather hand hewn the logs that come from the property, built it piece by piece, labored over it with blood, sweat and pride. Built solid to last multiple life times.

Sharon and I had a planned gutting and cleaning job of the cabin for this July coz she wanted to get everything, everything in order to sell and move to Oklahoma to be by her only child … beloved DS. The cleaning will happen … the Sharon moving won’t.

As I sit here reading my Spark Friends blogs … BrooklynBorn’s Empty Nest jumps out at me.

www.sparkpeople.
com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=6759390


Oh, how I thought my life would be different with my beloved 3 children close by with their families. Monthly Sunday suppers with good food, loved ones and total chaos. But Hubby and I live on top of the mountain … 2 dogs and us. No Sunday suppers. Not even an annual duty family gathering of our 3 kids and 9 g-kids.

Then OneKidsMom N - I'm going to get you singing (it’s now or never).

www.sparkpeople.
com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=6759430


Just because one chooses "not now" does NOT mean we have chosen "never". 

As I hum the song … it’s now or never … I well up with tears. Sorry … OneKidsMom I am in the “between” part of not now, not now, not yet, maybe later … but never could be upon me.

Never will I get to hug and laugh with BFF Sharon again.
Never will she see her g-kids grow up.
Never will I get those Sunday family suppers.

Never will I get to live in the moment … if I don’t start … living now.

Never will I get healthy, slim and active if I don’t do what is needed … now.

Not a plan of attack.
Not punishment for being … bad.

But one moment after the other of taking care of me, paying attention to me, living and participating in the moment, doing the things now that I want to.

It’s now or … never.

*******
Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon
    48 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    I am so sorry.
    Please take care of yourself.
    emoticon
    48 days ago
  • SPICY23
    This is poignant and hits too close to home for me at the moment (also grieving a departed friend). She had the blessing/curse of cancer and knowing to prepare and put her affairs in order. Most of us won't. Still, loss is a wake-up call to cherish and make the most of the time we have. Hug your DH; call your kids. Contemplate what you want to do. Let the tears flow, they wash our souls clean.

    Peace and Care
    59 days ago
  • BROOKLYN_BORN
    You feel what you feel. Espress it, share it. Be patient & take care of yourself.
    There is no time table for grief.

    So many different stories and memories were shared in my "Empty Nest" blog
    It’s the sharing that makes us a community.
    Wherever we find ourselves in life, let’s continue making memories.

    66 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15245502
    emoticon
    67 days ago
  • LIBELULITA
    Your pain shows what a special and pure friendship and bond you both had, so of course it's going to take some time to learn how to navigate through life without knowing her precious love and support is there for you through the ups and downs. There's no rushing this process of learning how to carry on your life with that gutwrenching pain, and I am grateful that a friend warned me that the 2nd 6 months are so much tougher than the 1st 6 months (turned out she was right). I send you love and support as you battle your way through one of the worst things you'll ever have to cope with emoticon emoticon
    67 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    emoticon Yes, grief is like gentle waves or can be a tsunami. So sorry.


    67 days ago
  • BIKE4HEALTH
    A great reason we want to appreciate each other every minute we can. We can never have too many special moments or memories
    68 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    If my words helped you get some needed tears out, I am grateful. We all need to cry at times, and I can't think of a better time than missing someone that you truly will never hug again, this side of the grave.

    So be patient with yourself, take care in the moment, and know that you are cared about! emoticon emoticon
    68 days ago
  • FELINEBETTER
    For now, Kitten - just allow yourself to feel as you are. Grief is a powerful state that comes in waves and you're still swimming. While it doesn't feel like it right now - the sun will shine again and you will feel even happy. For now though - embrace the loving memories and know that you loved and were loved. Take care.
    emoticon
    68 days ago
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