Yesterday was a difficult day for me … grief hits when you are least ready for it.
We had a day planned … getting in our walks and getting the puppy dogs their annual vaccinations and then spending the late afternoon and evening with DS2 and fam.
I got my walk in on the treadmill coz it was raining here … 4/5 done.
Hubby has started walking so he got his done.
Lunch was served and then off to the mobile vaccinations for the pups.
Then we took the dogs to a park for a long walk in the sunshine coz the weather is different just 30 miles away and it was 3 in the afternoon.
Ended up at DS2’s for a wonderful smoked roast supper in their brand-new Weber smoker. Hugs and laughter with the g-kids. Ahhh. Wonderful day … right.
Well, I left out the part about hearing from BFF Sharon’s son in the morning. We compared to-do-lists, coordinated our trip to Texas after his trip from Oklahoma to Sharon’s.
Reminisced and cried together. Got permission to “receive” a couple of items that I bought and gave to Sharon while I’m cleaning up her home.
The sense of finality loomed over me all day.
This really did happen.
Sharon’s son will be faced with selling his grandfather’s hand-built log cabin on the remaining 6+ acres … the land started at 60+ acres. His grandfather hand hewn the logs that come from the property, built it piece by piece, labored over it with blood, sweat and pride. Built solid to last multiple life times.
Sharon and I had a planned gutting and cleaning job of the cabin for this July coz she wanted to get everything, everything in order to sell and move to Oklahoma to be by her only child … beloved DS. The cleaning will happen … the Sharon moving won’t.
As I sit here reading my Spark Friends blogs … BrooklynBorn’s Empty Nest jumps out at me.
Oh, how I thought my life would be different with my beloved 3 children close by with their families. Monthly Sunday suppers with good food, loved ones and total chaos. But Hubby and I live on top of the mountain … 2 dogs and us. No Sunday suppers. Not even an annual duty family gathering of our 3 kids and 9 g-kids.
Then OneKidsMom N - I'm going to get you singing (it’s now or never).
Just because one chooses "not now" does NOT mean we have chosen "never".
As I hum the song … it’s now or never … I well up with tears. Sorry … OneKidsMom I am in the “between” part of not now, not now, not yet, maybe later … but never could be upon me.
Never will I get to hug and laugh with BFF Sharon again.
Never will she see her g-kids grow up.
Never will I get those Sunday family suppers.
Never will I get to live in the moment … if I don’t start … living now.
Never will I get healthy, slim and active if I don’t do what is needed … now.
Not a plan of attack.
Not punishment for being … bad.
But one moment after the other of taking care of me, paying attention to me, living and participating in the moment, doing the things now that I want to.
It’s now or … never.
Change your mind … and the rest WILL follow.