Wow...2008 is finally here. I suppose 2007 wasn't a horrible year for me..although I did lose track of my health/fitness goals and gain everything I had lost back.
Looking back, I see that a lot really DID happen in 2007. My ex got out of prison and I had to learn to share my children with him occasionally, which was a HUGE hurdle and one I still struggle with. I also discovered that my kids & I share a passion for camping, and I purchased not 1, but 2 campers over the course of the year. One was an older pop up that needed more work than I can do, and I sold it for a profit and felt pretty darn clever. Next I bought a vintage 1971 Shasta self-contained travel trailer. I sold my trustworthy, luxury minivan for a 1/2 ton conversion van that could pull my camper. I learned to hitch up, level, unhitch, & back up. WOW! I learned to build a campfire, I learned that racoons will break into ANYTHING, even totes & coolers, and I learned that my kids would rather spend the weekend camping with me than playing video games. We added 2 cats to our family, as well as a dog. I discovered that I still have a tremendous passion for animals.
My body seems to LOVE the 163-167 range. At 5'10, that's not a horrible weight, but I don't FEEL good. Wouldn't I feel better about 30 lbs lighter? Ultimately I think I'd LIKE to weigh about 135-140...but I'm unsure how much work that will be to maintain when I achieve it? Why am I so scared of the unknown? Why do I let it hold me back?
I have been thinking about my Shasta camper a lot lately, after putting it out of my mind since the end of October/camping season. I was thinking about how when I first came across it on Craigslist, I thought it was rough, and dirty...but worthy of a 2nd look. When I finished the almost 3-hour drive to look at it, I was absolutely smitten with it...I guess you could say it was love at first sight. Yes, it had it's flaws...the thing was covered in tree sap & dust, the paint was wore off in places, the original fabric on the seats was just plain ugly, and the roof vents were in dire need of replacement and had allowed for some leaking in places. Sure..I saw all of that, and my brother most definitely saw it. Robert saw it all and then some...but what *I* saw was a neat, vintage travel trailer...with so many possibilities. I immediately saw what new paint, new wheels, new fabric, curtains, and a few rugs & personal items would do for it. In my mind I saw this wonderful transformation from an old, ugly trailer into a cozy, unique camper where I would reconnect with myself, form lasting memories with my children, bond with them, and most of all a refuge for me when I need to get away from it all. So what did I do? I handed the man $500, took the title & keys, and went back a week later to haul my new "baby" home.
All of this made me realize that I look at my BODY the same way they looked at my camper...I see all of my flaws, and I'm way too hard on myself, only focusing on the negative and never living up to my high expectations. But I am overlooking the wonderful, amazing possibilities that lie within. Was I afraid to learn how to hitch up a trailer, pull it, and back it? You bet..terrified would be a more accurate adjective. YIKES! But I did it...with some intense drive inside me that made me more determined than I'd ever been in my life. So when I'm faced with this fear of failure in regards to exericse, calories, and my health...I really need to strive to reach deep, deep within myself to find that determination. I know it's there...I just need to take the time to find it.
The possibilities are endless...and 2008 could be the year to discover them!