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part 1 of my codependency journey
Saturday, August 06, 2011      8 comments

I hopped on the scale this morning out of curiosity. 180.4 I have lost 1.6 lbs since Monday and I have been eating (relatively) clean. It is still hard to see the 18# on the scale, but it will be 17# in no time! I have been reading a b... Read more
FOOD for thought
Thursday, August 04, 2011      6 comments

The words my mom said to me are still loud in my mind. When I told her I hated Nutrisystem, I said that I had made a game plan to eat clean. I had 7 days of DIFFERENT meals planned and could easily mix and match. She looked at me and said, ... Read more
i conquered my tuesday
Tuesday, August 02, 2011      7 comments

I went to school. Did 'A' work. Got home, got my Nutrisystem food all re-packaged to send back. Went to the UPS store. Went to therapy. Went to the gym. Went to the grocery store. My favorite clean meal for tomorrow: apple with natural nut ... Read more
im not scared anymore
Tuesday, August 02, 2011      11 comments

fear is a paralyzing thing. it keeps you from trying. it keeps you from succeeding. it keeps you from your potential. I have spent a few hours (before bed, and I woke up at 3:15 and have been up since....its 4:50) creating clean meals. I h... Read more
Monday, August 01, 2011      6 comments

Please, do not try Nutrisystem. Thats all I will say. New game plan: Eat as CLEAN as possible && count calories on my phone. Allowance: 1290 a day. Time to start planning! I realized that fear is what paralyzes me. Maybe I dont ha... Read more
Day 1
Monday, August 01, 2011      5 comments

So today is Day 1 in my section 104 in Cosmetology School. It is also Day 1 on Nutrisystem The scale said : 181.6 Im so NOT going to let that 5 lb gain get to me. I am on a mission to change it. This is kind of a boring blog. Had... Read more
bittersweet summertime
Saturday, July 30, 2011      9 comments

I like the sun. I like being tan. I like the Vitamin D. I HATE SWIMSUITS. Cant stand them. This summer I thought I would be enjoying the pool in my backyard but nope, its just another year that I am dreading each weekend. I do not want... Read more
Friday, July 29, 2011      11 comments

I am in the best mood that I have been in, in a VERY long time! I am happy. I hung out with a beauty school friend last night. I know a few girls have been having an inside joke about something I said and I have just ignored it. It bothered... Read more
sweet glorious realizations
Wednesday, July 27, 2011      13 comments

So, you know when someone tells you something and your brain is like, well duhhh and your emotion box just says well I am keeping that locked and you cant feel that way, but you can feel sadness, anger, hate, etc. My emotion box got robbed ... Read more
a goal.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011      8 comments

I have a goal. One that means more than any other goal possibly could. I have a photo in my gallery of a FB page. An old boss took a picture of me on our mutual college campus, put it on facebook and called me the beast. Other peop... Read more
tried to pick myself up, got kicked back down
Tuesday, July 26, 2011      8 comments

I decided to go back to being blonde. Its when I have been most confident in my life. The girl who did it, messed it up and now I have WHITE streaks on my brown hair. I look like a skunk. So obviously, I have even less self esteem. I tried ... Read more
need answers
Saturday, July 23, 2011      11 comments

Okay, so I have been attempting to get in shape, and its been quite the fail. So here I am asking for some help. I do not know what I am doing wrong, and I assume none of it is really right because I have not seen any physical changes nor h... Read more
holy cow its hot out there
Saturday, July 23, 2011      6 comments

i am under the watchful eye of my parents. they want me to stay around them and stay positive. finding clothes to wear out in this weather was a task. i felt like an elephant in all of them. i threw on the one that looked best, walked out t... Read more
Friday, July 22, 2011      7 comments

i did not take my medicine today. i did not have suicidal thoughts today. i only cried once today. i laughed today, and didnt feel depressed the entire day. that for me is improvement. its not much, but its a step in the right direction. th... Read more
who would have known.
Thursday, July 21, 2011      9 comments

two years ago, if someone told me the events of today would happen in my future, I would have laughed at them. I had a wonderful sparkfriend send me private sparkmail simply saying she was here for me. Having felt so isolated (possibly me j... Read more

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