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11/13/19 4:14 P

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KEEP A RECORD of everything that is happening. Dates, times, $ transferred, what she said, what you replied. You will need this if something goes sideways and she tries to pin it all on you.

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9/21/19 2:18 A



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That's REALLY great news, Elaine.



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 5,301
9/21/19 1:00 A

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A little update!

My boss has kicked the gambling habit to the curb!

I have been praying for her. I guess God spoke to her. She at least had the sense to keep a log and saw that her losses were more than her gains. So, she has even uninstalled the slot machine app.

She also has a new will to succeed in her career now after a counselling session with HR and her boss. This means I may continue with my job since she is more conscientious and serious about her job now and the company wants to retain her.

Thank God I am not going to lose my job! And thank God that my boss is herself again now!

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9/11/19 4:44 A



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SLIMMER,

That's a very good suggestion.

EOWYN,

If you really and truly want to help your boss beat a possible gambling addiction, then ask her to help you learn to eat right. Tell her that you have always been grateful that she has bought you lunch. But in order for you to start taking better care of yourself, she has to stop buying you take out from places like McDonalds or KFC.

You both can help each other. You can encourage your boss to stop playing the online gambling games and she can encourage you to learn to eat right.

Every time she buys you lunch from McDonalds, you get a little fatter.

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9/11/19 2:52 A

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Unfortunately, my boss has left her church because the pastor offended her deeply, many times. She is now in the process of finding a new church.

The problem is, now she has no one to confide in, she won't tell her parents because her parents will definitely disapprove.

At the moment she is planning on church hopping till she finds the right fit, I will of course pray for her. But I think as a true friend, it is my duty to try to warn her against her possible gambling addiction!

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9/10/19 10:09 P



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I don't quite agree with your comments, ARCH.

I think perhaps one of the best ways to help is to suggest that they help each other. Elaine's boss/friend help her re the nutrition aspect (as in not giving her very tempting fast food which is her main downfall.) That's Elaine admitting she has a problem, and Elaine helping by suggesting she talk to someone qualified to help with the gambling before it gets out of hand.

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9/10/19 9:35 A



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EOWYN,

I understand that you really are trying to help your boss. However, you aren't the person to lecture her about a possible gambling addiction. She wont listen to you.

You have mentioned many times that your boss is very active in the church. What you might suggest is that she discuss the issue with her pastor/reverend. She may trust her pastor to keep this confidential.

You are not qualified to lecture your boss about the evils of gambling when you have repeatedly refused to address your own faults and issues.

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9/10/19 1:23 A

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Thank you for all your replies.

No, I really can't afford to lose any money.

Yes, I will spend on my parents instead.

And I will take my boss out to lunch on day and have a heart to heart talk with her on the dangers of gambling.

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9/10/19 1:16 A



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My late grandmother always said "never a lender or borrower be" and she elaborated on it. If you are going to 'lend' the money, only lend it if you can afford to not get it back and are prepared to look on it as a gift.

Kris

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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 14,000
9/10/19 1:08 A

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CHICAGOHOPE,
Of course you want your money back, of course you expect it back, but I agree, only lend money you can afford for them not to pay you back.

James
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9/9/19 8:26 P

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Another thought:

Only lend money if you can afford for them not to pay you.

If you can not or do not have "disposable" income (money you can afford to loose), then do not put yourself in a bind because of others.

You have medical expenses and future expenses to think of.

Also, if you have money to loan, why don't you take that money and spend it on your parents and take them out to dinner. It would work wonders for family relations. Maybe offer to pay some to your dad that pays your medical expenses. These are things worth investing in, your family.

Then you can tell your boss you don't have money to loan.

I don't lend money unless I don't need it. Do you need the money?



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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 14,000
9/9/19 2:07 P

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A couple of thoughts, I don't know if they have much baring.

I looked at the conversion rate of Malaysian Ringgits (RM) to US dollars, and Canadian dollars to get a feel for this.

One RM is about 25 cents US, so RM200 is about $50 (US), and RM100 is about $25 (US).

I had a friend in junior high, he borrowed some money to buy candy, he paid me back. Later he borrowed some money again for candy, this time he didn't pay me back, and a few weeks later he wanted to borrow more money. Since he hadn't paid me back from the previous time I said no.

I think you should probably handle your employer/friend the same way. If she pays you back in a reasonable time, do it. But if she hasn't paid you back from last time and wants to borrow more then don't do it. You may not see your original loan back though.

On the other hand, how much do you get paid per day? If you loose employment because of this, it may cost you more than your lending loss.

If she gambles all day when she could be working, and you are working while she is gambling, don't feel bad about that. The deal is you work, and she pays you for the work. What she does with her time is up to her. It may seem unfair, and it sort of is, but she's paying you, and that is your compensation.

Edited by: -JAMES- at: 9/9/2019 (14:08)
James
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9/9/19 4:02 A



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I think, given you are friends with your boss, I would talk to her away from work and as a friend, and ask her to consider whether she is getting too hooked on gambling. If you don't know anyone with a gambling problem you could always say that you have seen programs on TV (or read articles) about people who have had these sorts of addictions and how they take over the person's life, dragging them down, and that you don't want to see that happen to her.

Below is a link to the American Addiction Centre's resources with some tips:
www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/g
ambling-addiction/how-to-help/


Make sure that you tell her you love her and that you have been very thankful when she has been there to help you and support you when you have needed it. Tell her you will support her but that you can't enable her because you know that she will get hurt. Suggest that she gets some help for it.

Hugs,
Kris

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 30,545
9/8/19 7:23 P

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I would not loan money to anyone who uses it to gamble.... no matter who they are.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
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9/8/19 4:38 P



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EOWYN,

What would you do if your boss told you that if you didn't transfer the money, she wouldn't have any work for you anymore. That you were fired. no paycheck. no more free lunches.

She can do that if you refuse to transfer money for her. And if you say anything to anyone, she'll accuse you of slander. Then what happens to you ?



Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 9/8/2019 (16:39)
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9/8/19 7:01 A

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Why not tell her the truth that your money is budgeted for the week, and transferring money puts a strain on you financially that you can not do.

Or just tell her you don't have the money to transfer- it is the truth. You don't owe her an explanation (even if she is your boss)

You need to stand up for yourself, if you are worried she won't pay you back in the future, and if you just don't want to transfer money then say something.

Remember you are her employee, she has money. She pays you for work, she is financially responsible for her dogs, she eats out, the list goes on. Think about why she is asking you for money.



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 5,301
9/7/19 11:20 P

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My boss is now beginning the bad habit of online gambling.

Yesterday morning, she asked me to transfer RM200 to her account, but she paid me back in cash on the spot. This transfer was so she could continue playing.

She spent the entire day glued to her mobile on online gambling. She was very angry when I asked her when can we leave for the office because she said I caused her to lose money because she pressed the wrong button.

We didn't even make it to the office, I was working from her home that day.

Then when I was in the middle of my shower that night, she called many times. I was wondering what could be so urgent, could it be work? So, in my towel, I answered saying I will call her back, just let me get dressed.

She wouldn't even allowed me to get dressed, demanding I transfer another RM100, this time to another account, she said.

I was very firm and just told her I wasn't comfortable transferring money to her every time she was short on funds. You just can't trust the word of a gambler, she said it was just this once. But this the 2nd time in a day she asked me to transfer money to her. I'm just afraid that she will keep on asking me for money time and time again if I agree.

I don't earn much, I'm just afraid that when her gambling progresses, she will be short on funds very often and she might not be able to pay me back one day.

I just don't feel comfortable doing this.

What do you think?

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