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CD5092690 Posts: 15,787
6/3/09 5:55 A

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Each of us who have children should be teaching them morals relevant to ourselves.

Since 'anyone' is allowed to have children then bad people will produce bad children. I don't like it, it's not fair, so what. I'll move to somewhere where children have morals.

If anyone has an interest in telling people to teach their children to have morals,....well, good luck!

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SHANISUNSHINE's Photo SHANISUNSHINE Posts: 273
6/2/09 9:53 A

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DFUQUA98-"I think that the, "to get respect you have to give respect", is a disrespectful philosophy In fact in my experience people who say that have often just disrespected some adult or teacher that they don't like. "

I have to disagree with this statement. It might be in your experience that you have been exposed to this, but not all people with this philosophy are like this.

I was brought up on that lesson. I could not be respected by teachers, parents, etc. without extending the courtesy first. It was the same among my peers, however, growing up the courtesy was not extended back to me. I find that even my work ethic contains this philosophy, and has worked for myself positively. I might be opinionated, and disagree with superiors or others, but I show my respect towards them and have gained the respect from them.

I must admit that I am very outspoken and opinionated, but I know how to speak my peace and prove my point without being disrespectful.

Yes ma'am and yes sir is an extreme formality IMO. I don't expect my children to use those terms as I myself was not brought up in that manner. I was brought up to acknowledge, and act upon the request of an adult or superior, but I have never once used those terms. I believe in a more individualized approach, such as "Yes Mom" or "Yes Mrs.ABC".

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BADBARNEY Posts: 450
6/2/09 5:48 A

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You are probably right DFQ so I will take that as a lesson and mend my ways. You may be surprised how tolerant I am, but point taken, my posts don't show that.
Cheers
Barney

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SHANISUNSHINE's Photo SHANISUNSHINE Posts: 273
6/1/09 4:13 P

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Children are not being taught that every action has a consequence, good or bad. My oldest son has a chart, and we use smiley stickers and sad faces to show good and bad behavior. We do the chart in the evening before bed so I can discuss it with him. It has worked like a charm. He's been earning money for the good things he does, but he also has it taken away if he does something bad. He doesn't always get something at the store, but he does know that if he acts up at the store that he will be punished.

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LOEGAIRE's Photo LOEGAIRE Posts: 12,385
6/1/09 4:12 P

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Core morality, the condensed version:

1) Do no unnecessary harm.

2) Don't take or mess with someone else's stuff without permission.

3) Treat others with the decency and respect you want for yourself.

Seems fairly straightforward to me.

Do not try and think outside the box. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no box.
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PANDALEEN's Photo PANDALEEN Posts: 277
6/1/09 4:10 P

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I'm only 19, and it kind of scares me how disconnected and disrespectful most teenagers are. I was homeschooled, so I didn't deal with a lot of it until now.

I've got a dry sense of humor, but it seems like people today say anything horrible and expect it to be funny. I told a guy off recently because he tried to tell me a joke about baby rape, and expected me to laugh. He's lucky he got out of that car alive, I tell ya. What is WRONG with people?

And don't get me started about people raising their kids wrong. I work with a lady who has a 6 year old little boy, she lets him walk around calling people names and telling them they smell bad, are fat, are ugly, etc. She laughs it off, and thinks people overreact.


"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"... I improvised, crazed by the music... Even my teeth and eyes burned with fever. Each time I leaped I seemed to touch the sky and when I regained earth it seemed to be mine alone." - Josephine Baker

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With a circus mind thats running round
And moonbeams and fairy tales
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Riding with the wind." - Jimi Hendrix


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STARZ1232's Photo STARZ1232 Posts: 134
6/1/09 2:04 P

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I go the 10 commandments. Even if you are atheist I feel the principal behind the rules are Good.


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POPOF4's Photo POPOF4 Posts: 2,829
6/1/09 1:47 P

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Respect? Should a person be respectful of others because they should "treat others the way they would want to be treated" or only respect those that deserve to be respected?

I think that the, "to get respect you have to give respect", is a disrespectful philosophy In fact in my experience people who say that have often just disrespected some adult or teacher that they don't like.

People who were raised to say yes ma'am and thank you are not so quick to curse out adults.

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ALPHASIG03's Photo ALPHASIG03 Posts: 280
6/1/09 12:56 P

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CYN -I dont think that is called being raise strictly. We are all here giving our own thoughts. etiquette and respect and morals all go hand in hand. Just b/c its not something you do or taught your children does not mean its not respect. the way I was brought up is the way my parents were brought up..(Its a southern thing)And I respect my parents b/c of who they are as well. And your last statement about since someone doesnt express themselves the same way doesnt make them lack morals it makes them different...Exactly so why are you over here critisizing the way I was brought up as strict or b/c of saying sir or maam. so just like Metcarter says who cares I'm the person I am today b/c of it and point blank who cares

Edited by: ALPHASIG03 at: 6/1/2009 (12:57)
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MCARTER619's Photo MCARTER619 Posts: 1,193
6/1/09 11:54 A

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Well I was raised by the bible and I've done the same with my kids. It doesn't matter if you agree or not, as far as my moral upbringing it worked for me and I see it working with my kids. You may agree or not, who cares I'm a better person because of it point blank.

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POPOF4's Photo POPOF4 Posts: 2,829
6/1/09 10:27 A

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In School we don't teach morals but we do teach core democratic values. This could never replace a child being taught morals at home or in their religious institution.

And Barney we know you're not a christian but must you constantly put christians on the defensive every time they mention the bible? You are starting to sound a little intolerant. I mean they are just trying to talk about the morals they are instilling in their own children.

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EXFULGERE Posts: 786
5/31/09 5:20 P

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SHANISUNSHINE, I agree. It's almost depressing when people make a point at saying how polite my brat is, simply because I don't consider him above-and-beyond polite. Civility is getting to be a lost art. But I don't see it among adults much, either (I commute by bus, it's sad what goes on). I think there's a double standard, and a lot of people hold kids to the higher one.

But as for teens, yeah. I never thought I'd tell my son that he couldn't hang out with this kid or the other but, man ... some of them are so narcissistic, it's just asking for trouble.

Edited by: EXFULGERE at: 5/31/2009 (17:21)
'Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power.'

Benjamin Disraeli


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-SHAWN-'s Photo -SHAWN- Posts: 25,256
5/31/09 4:12 P

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If the *only* reason children or adults are not out there disrespecting, lying, raping, murdering, etc. is because they read it is not polite in *any*, book then I don't think I would want to associate with them.

Seriously people.

SHANISUNSHINE's Photo SHANISUNSHINE Posts: 273
5/31/09 3:54 P

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I am a Christian, and I do believe the Word. I do use it to teach my children. I won't go on my tangent, however. To each their own.

My son never says sir or ma'am, but he is polite and proper. I've received comments from hospital nurses, doctors, even checkout personnel at the supermarket. All because he says "Yes please" or "No thank you" and he's only four. He will even tell the personnel thank you, all because that's what he has been taught. He is still in the learning process, correcting bad behavior. He will call you on it to. I hear "Mom, don't say that. It's bad!" when I get angry and ramble off swear words. Or, if he sees someone doing something they shouldn't, like hurting someone, he's apt to let me know.

I believe that children need to learn to respect, and that respect needs to be earned.

Not to single out teens, but does anyone else notice their lack of respect or acknowledgement?

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BADBARNEY Posts: 450
5/30/09 8:03 P

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Oh Please don't go down the Biblical path. For every nice bit of the Bible there is an equal and opposite rotten bit.

May I remind you of how the Magdalene Sisters brought up children? Treated like scum, never to be saved, beaten, starved, molested, tortured and worked into an early grave. Promised to forever be in limbo between the devil and heaven.
The Marist Brothers in Australia a life time of paedophilia and sadism in the live in schools.
Of course you must teach them that your Bible is the only one true Bible and when they grow up they may have to kill and mame innocent people to ensure the one true faith survives.
Be as religious as you want but let them learn by your good example not from a bronze age dark fairy tale. Let them decide when they grow up if the need religion in their life
Cheers
Barney

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STARZ1232's Photo STARZ1232 Posts: 134
5/30/09 7:53 P

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Custom- Amen!! emoticon

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CUSTOMBUILT55's Photo CUSTOMBUILT55 SparkPoints: (0)
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5/30/09 7:25 P

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PROVERBS 22:6....Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Some parents of today are not aware that the BIBLE is the best source to raise your children. I was raised by the BIBLE, eventhough, for a few minutes I did depart from HIS word...BUT I returned while thanking HIM for HIS MERCY and GRACE in giving me time to return to HIS way of life. Not sin free, but not as bad as I use to be!Be patient with me, GOD ain't through with me yet! My kids do understand that disrespecting in any form is not an option!

Edited by: CUSTOMBUILT55 at: 5/30/2009 (19:29)
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STARZ1232's Photo STARZ1232 Posts: 134
5/30/09 6:45 P

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I learned my morals from the 10 Commandments.
I tried my best to raise my own the same way.
Children today can have their parent/guardian Infestigated. Yes that should be a word.
Some kids need help-and the ones that cry Wolf are rebels and should be put on a street in NYC to live on their own for a weeks.
Like the video Kimmie showed of the little FAT boy slapping his mom.
The mom was probably a decent person who happened to be unfortunate to have one of those kind of beastly kids.

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BADBARNEY Posts: 450
5/30/09 4:56 A

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Morals and respects go hand in hand. Generally if you have been shown one you will know the other too, for they are evidence of a well rounded upbringing. The Moral Compass is a great analogy. As parents is it not one of our goals to pass on the Morale compass? having morales induces respect for one self and that may follow on to respect others. Respect is earned by having good morals

AB


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KARENK63's Photo KARENK63 Posts: 1,192
5/30/09 3:04 A

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AMYANGEL said, "Morals. Respect. Are they really even the same? Morals are right vs wrong. Respect is how you treat yourself and others."

The topic drifted onto respect, but both are important.

As a society, we've move away from being law-abiding and more toward "seeing what we can get away with." That includes a gross lack of consideration for others.

Remember that saying, "My right to swing my arm ends where your nose begins?"

My enjoying my music should not infringe on your right to enjoy peace and quiet. My territorial dog should not infringe on your right to enjoy your own backyard or the public sidewalk. My desire to skip the hassle of parking should not infringe on your right to drive on the street in the designated traffic lane (!).

This is all SO prevalent now, to the point where people will push the limits until someone passes a specific law against it. You can imagine what children learn from that: "Anything goes, so long as you don't get caught."

In terms of respect, respecting your children is one of the ways you model the right behavior (rather than just barking at them). But respect needs to be enforced: persistent rudeness and defiance must be quashed, endless negotiating over limits is not allowed, and behavior that is disrespectful to others (especially adults) is not okay.

The Sir/Ma'am thing is not important to me (never learned it-- I think it's less common on the West Coast, for instance), but listening to your teacher/grandma/the babysitter/etc? Very important.

One day at a time...


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FUTURERNAIMEE's Photo FUTURERNAIMEE Posts: 618
5/29/09 11:32 P

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Great response exfulgere, I agree completely

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AMYGNAGEL's Photo AMYGNAGEL Posts: 186
5/29/09 11:30 P

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Morals. Respect. Are they really even the same? Morals are right vs wrong. Respect is how you treat yourself and others. Teaching your kid not to kill and rape is a different part of their development than telling them to say yes maam.

Just a thought.

lust often. love always. live like there's no tomorrow.


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EXFULGERE Posts: 786
5/29/09 4:41 P

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CYN859, I'm with you on that one. I was raised saying 'ma'am' and 'sir' and when I said 'ma'am' to my fourth grade teacher, a WWII holocaust survivor, she scolded me hard. She said she would have none of it, and that all the words in the world could not substitute for a heart of respect and love.

That stuck with me. My son never needed to use formalities, and calls most of my friends by their first name as they instruct, otherwise Mr. or Ms. Whatever.

I think Ms Togut was on to something. We like to teach kids formalities, and to respect 'authority', but we don't lead with our actions. Respect your child, respect those around you, act with compassion and empathy and your child will walk that path.

So my son doesn't say 'ma'am' or 'sir' and he challenges authority in a respectful way when he believes something is going wrong. He's one of the few kids I know wants to talk to seniors, is sincerely interested and concerned with people's well being, and jumps (sometimes literally) to help someone he sees that may be in need.

Compassion and love should be the moral compass for everyone.

'Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power.'

Benjamin Disraeli


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CYN859's Photo CYN859 Posts: 384
5/29/09 2:39 P

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ALPHASIG03 I'm twice your age but I wasn't raised as strictly as you were.

Just because I don't call someone ma'am or sir doesn't mean that I don't respect them. I often use the term Mr. or Ms. along with a first or a last name depending on how well I know the person (it's a southern thing I think). The other matters you mentioned, i.e. hats in the house, elbows on the table, are etiquette issues rather than respect to me.

My children don't respect me because I made them call me ma'am and wipe their feet when they came in the house as they were growing up. They respect me because of who I am as a person. They have and show respect for others who are worthy of it also. They are secure enough in themselves to expect the same respect from you too and if you treat them with disrespect don't be surprised when they (and I) lose respect for you.

My point here is that there is that morals are a personal value and just because someone else doesn't express theirs the same way you do doesn't make them lack morals, just makes them different.

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ALPHASIG03's Photo ALPHASIG03 Posts: 280
5/29/09 12:22 P

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These topics are good...

Yes you are right it starts at home. Like ok I'm 25 and I say yes maam and no sir , please, no thank you, speak when you walk into a room say goodmorning first thing u do things like that to anybody its out of habit and it just slips out u know people now are like oh u dont have to say maam to me and i'm like that is how I was raised to be respectful and to respect yourself... I hear younger people now days saying yah and naw to grown adults and walking into people's houses and not speaking like they dont have manners and wearing hats in the house or at the table lol my grandfather was big on that lol.."take your hat off when you walk into a building or someone's house and never have your hat on at the dinner table or elbows on the table" lol i'm like wow i would have gotten a smack in the lip for being disrespectful or you know addressing adults by their first name... Idk I guess people have gotten away from that but I know as sure when I have kids they will be taught and brought up the way I was. Like have you seen kids that call their parents by their first name? or tell their parents they hate them and to shut up? man o man

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ROCKIN_V's Photo ROCKIN_V SparkPoints: (0)
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5/29/09 12:06 P

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Morals to me are subjective but I agree that more of today's generation in comparison to generations of the past lack respect.

I like your topics.

Edited by: ROCKIN_V at: 5/29/2009 (12:06)
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MCARTER619's Photo MCARTER619 Posts: 1,193
5/29/09 10:44 A

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I sometimes I wonder if parents do not teach their children what morals are, and how you need to respect other people. I have seen so many parents that allow their children to show little to no respect for elders, authority figures ( though in some cases challenging authority isn't always a matter of disrespect , sometimes it works out for the best) and so on. What I am most concerned about is parents not teaching their children to respect themselves more than anything.

I think this is in and of itself a crisis and the we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg today. If these children are the leaders of tomorrow and today is already so bad, then the future looks very dark. Part of the problem is that children are having children and many of these parents never had a strong moral foundation to begin with. Compounding the problem is the fact that the source of these children's lessons are the television, radio and video games. They hardly stand a chance.

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