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TRISHAANN56's Photo TRISHAANN56 Posts: 5,453
5/11/10 3:47 P

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"When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes."
Dediderius Erasmus Roterdamus

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld


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ANGEL7912's Photo ANGEL7912 Posts: 206
5/11/10 1:23 P

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emoticon glad I stopped by needed a little pick me up.

"We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
-T.S. Eliot
KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/11/10 10:40 A

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Here's another nice religious one......

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then." said God, "Let us see it Jesus fared any better."

Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.

Satan was astonished and stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckled and replied, "Jesus saves."






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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/11/10 9:26 A

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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/11/10 2:31 A

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Great! emoticon



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NADIAINCONNUE Posts: 89
5/11/10 1:35 A

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I just ran across this one and it made me laugh. (Don't remember it exactly so this is in my own words)

A new pastor is telling his mentor about his first sermon.
"It was fantastic!" he exclaimed "I had them glued to their seats!"
"Fascinating," the more experienced pastor replied, "I hadn't thought of that..."

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle

Our language has widely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone, and it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.
~Paul Tillich (Theologian)

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
~1 Cor. 10:31, NIV
CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/10/10 2:49 P

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FUNKYMONKEY302 Posts: 14
5/10/10 2:09 P

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haha... love it.

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5/10/10 1:20 P

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/10/10 4:40 A

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Some quotes which made me smile....

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. Franklin P. Jones

I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. Pablo Picasso



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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/10/10 4:13 A

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/10/10 3:47 A

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Man: "If I could just see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."


What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so she can vacuum.


Husband: "Will you love me when I grow old and overweight?"
Wife: "Yes I do."




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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/9/10 10:14 P

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Oh, how true and really funny. emoticon

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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 27,860
5/9/10 5:58 P

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Just read the jokes and had a great laugh. Have a great week everyone.
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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 27,860
5/9/10 5:10 P

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Thank you.
I loved it.
Hugs
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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/9/10 12:33 P

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Here is an email that I received recently that describes the job description of a mother. How many of us would have actually applied for this job?

POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Author Unknown


Share and Enjoy:



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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/9/10 5:16 A

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/9/10 4:26 A

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SIGNS TO LINGER OVER:


On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon
“Yesterday’s meals on wheels”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office
“Dr Jones at your cervix”

On a Plumber’s Truck
“Don’t sleep with a drip – Call a Plumber”

On a Plumber’s Truck
“We repair what your husband fixed”

On a Septic Tank Truck Sign
“We’re #1 in the #2 business

At a Tyre Shop in Milwaukee
“Invite us to your next blowout”

Outside a Muffler Shop
“No appointment necessary – We hear you coming”

On a Taxidermist’s Window
“We really know our stuff”

In a Podiatrist’s office
“Time wounds all heals”

At a Car Dealership
“The best way to get back on your feet - miss a payment

At a Chicago Radiator Shop
“Best place in town to take a leak”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room
“Be back in five minutes - Sit! Stay!”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home
“Drive carefully – We’ll wait!”

On a fence
“Salesmen Welcome – Dog Food is expensive”


Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/9/2010 (04:27)
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/9/10 2:22 A

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Mother Superior: "Sister Maria, if you walk through town at night, and you're accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?"

Sister Maria: "I would lift my habit, mother Superior."

Mother Superior (shocked): "And what would you do next?"

Sister Maria: "I would tell him to drop his pants."

Mother Superior: (even more shocked) "And what then?"

Sister Maria: "I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down."



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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/8/10 11:01 P

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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (629,994)
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5/8/10 10:14 P

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It's been a lulu of a day and the jokes were right on time... emoticon emoticon

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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TRISHAANN56's Photo TRISHAANN56 Posts: 5,453
5/8/10 2:33 P

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"When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes."
Dediderius Erasmus Roterdamus

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/8/10 2:20 A

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A lady with a sense of humour!

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
Eleanor Roosevelt



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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/8/10 1:41 A

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/8/10 12:33 A

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How fights start


My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


***************************************


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started....


***************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"


And that's how the fight started...


***************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....


**************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...


***************************************


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...


***************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

***************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

***************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

***************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/8/2010 (00:41)
Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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ndividual.asp?gid=953


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ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (629,994)
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5/7/10 12:55 P

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Love the wishes emoticon emoticon

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (697,636)
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5/7/10 12:15 P

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Thanks for the laughs.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/7/10 3:25 A

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The trade unionist and the genie

A drink-sodden trade unionist is nursing a bottle very closely, idly rubbing his hands up and down against it, when suddenly – whoosh! - out pops a genie.

"Blimey, you're a genie! Can you grant me three wishes?" says the trade unionist.

"Okay," says the genie, "but only if you share your good fortune."

"Fine, I'm a socialist. I believe in sharing," says the trade unionist.

"Thing is," says the genie, "whatever you wish for I'm going to give every fat cat capitalist in the country two of the same thing. Still want to do it?"

The socialist nods.

"Okay, what is your first wish?"

"I'm going to wish for a 100 per cent wage rise for everyone in the union," says the trade unionist.

"Okay – done,” says the genie, “and every fat cat capitalist gets 200 per cent."

“My second wish,’ says the trade unionist, “is for everyone in the union to get 12 weeks holiday.”

“Okay, and every fat-cat capitalist gets 24 weeks,” says the genie. “Now what about your third wish?”

The trade unionist thinks for a moment: “Well, a 35-hour week would be good …”


Edited by: KELPIE57 at: 5/7/2010 (03:25)

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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/7/10 1:57 A

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I am LOL here? emoticon



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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/6/10 7:07 P

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Does this sound familiar?

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/6/10 6:57 P

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President Vladimir Putin called President Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.", replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!", said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favour, please?", said Putin.

"Yes?", replied the President.

"Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.

"No problem," replied the President and with that Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan condoms. "I need a favour, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."


Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/6/2010 (18:58)
Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/6/10 6:55 P

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Did anyone tell you about the day when Lord Peter Mandelson was visiting a primary school in England, and was taken into the room of a class discussing words and their meanings. The teacher asked Lord Mandelson whether he would care to lead a discussion on the word "Tragedy", so he asked the class to give him an example.

A little boy stood up, and said, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, was playing in the field, and a tractor ran over him, and killed him, that would be a tragedy".

"No," said Lord Mandelson, 'that wouldn't be a tragedy: that would be an accident".
A little girl raised her hand: "If the school bus had fifty boys and girls in it, and it drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy".

"I'm afraid not," explained Lord Mandelson; "That is what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No child volunteered.

Lord Mandelson's eyes searched the room. "Can no one here give me an example of a tragedy?"

At the back of the room, a little hand went up, and a quiet voice said, "If a plane carrying you and Mr Brown was struck by friendly fire and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy".

"Magnificent!" exclaimed Lord Mandelson, "That's right! And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"
"Well," said the quiet voice, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident."


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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/6/10 4:11 P

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politicians! emoticon



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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (697,636)
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5/6/10 12:50 P

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emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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PEABODYPEGGY's Photo PEABODYPEGGY Posts: 561
5/6/10 11:11 A

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I just spent about 20 minutes reading jokes ! Man do I feel good now - I haven't laughed this much in a long time. I hope somebody out there know some more. Thank you KIWI whoever you are ! emoticon

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5/6/10 11:04 A

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emoticon emoticon You have to careful who you tell things to emoticon

Edited by: PLATINUM755 at: 5/6/2010 (11:06)
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/6/10 8:25 A

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emoticon

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PLINE10's Photo PLINE10 Posts: 540
5/6/10 6:37 A

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.


Pauline, Atlantic Canada.


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5/5/10 3:24 P

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/5/10 1:26 P

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You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 27,860
5/5/10 11:23 A

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DARLENEFINLEY's Photo DARLENEFINLEY Posts: 1,083
5/5/10 10:12 A

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Darlene


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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/5/10 2:22 A

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Love them kiwi! emoticon



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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/5/10 1:14 A

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You guy find the funniest jokes. That's reall funny. emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI Posts: 35,565
5/5/10 12:31 A

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Heap more Headlines:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

War Dims Hope for Peace

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls

Stiff Opposition Expected To Casketless Funeral Plan

Yellow Snow Studied To Test Nutrition

Scientists Note Progress In Herpes Battle; Ear Plugs Recommended

Antique Stripper To Demonstrate Wares At Store

Sadness Is No. 1 Reason Men And Women Cry

Mayor Says D.C. Is Safe Except For Murders

Check With Doctors Before Getting Sick

Neighbors Said Sniper Not Very Neighborly

Court Rules That Being A Jerk Is Not A Crime

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/5/2010 (01:22)
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CAMPER96's Photo CAMPER96 Posts: 3,300
5/4/10 10:15 P

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These jokes are so funny. It feels good to laugh.

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KELPIE57's Photo KELPIE57 Posts: 3,352
5/4/10 3:05 P

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Some more headlines that you wonder how they got past the sub editors desk

•Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
•Eye Drops Off Shelf
•Farmer Bill Dies in House
•Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
•If Strike isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While
•Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
•Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
•Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
•Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
•Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years




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CPCONE's Photo CPCONE Posts: 3,415
5/4/10 11:38 A

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Vera funny.... emoticon emoticon

"Don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff."
"Take time every day to do something silly."
Philipa Walker
"If you don't do it yourself, it won't get done." Tired Mother
It's a up hill road, but the walk is worth it.
"Friendship is a thing most necessary to life, since without friends, no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages."
Aristotle
"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."


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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (629,994)
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5/4/10 11:23 A

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emoticon emoticon Good one!

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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DARLENEFINLEY's Photo DARLENEFINLEY Posts: 1,083
5/4/10 10:32 A

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Darlene


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