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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
6/20/19 6:41 P

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Sorry you were feeling low. Youtube videos do help. My mom and I went to Animal Adventure park/zoo on Saturday and she says she found some videos on Youtube of April, the giraffe and her boys. Exciting!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
6/18/19 7:14 P

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I was a little low today. I guess that is how life is even for non-depressed people. I am trying to raise my mood with positive blogs and YouTube videos



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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
6/16/19 7:08 A

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Hi my ex is a sociopath for real. I'm sorry I didn't mean to alert anyone. My daughter is okay and she got upset when she heard I was going to call the SPCA and thought the dogs would get taken away. I didn't say that he must have said that and so I have decided not to do anything about the dogs. She has assured me in her voice messages (2) that the dogs are fine and have been sleeping with the children again and they are given water in the crates and they are kept in the crates for only 6 hours.



Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (17,039)
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6/15/19 9:08 P

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I didn't see SL's post before. I agree, it's abusive. Yikes.

He wouldn't agree to any type of counseling, would he?

MILLER-S's Photo MILLER-S Posts: 29,860
6/15/19 8:26 P

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I was thinking the same thing when I read it. As someone who was abused as a child, I'm very sensitive to things like that.


Miller

"People don't decide their future. They decide their habits - and their habits decide their future.
- unknown

“The greatest of follies is to sacrifice health for any other kind of happiness.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

“The distance between who am I am and who I want to be is ONLY Separated by what I do.” Norbert Juma

"I forgive myself and set myself free." - Louise Hay


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LIZDAWEIRDO's Photo LIZDAWEIRDO SparkPoints: (36,657)
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6/15/19 7:30 P

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SL - Your husband sounds abusive! I mean, pushing a child down to the ground? And the key to the dog crates - bad news.


When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
6/15/19 11:28 A

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Good Morning.

This is the 3rd time I have woken up since I went to bed at 3am. This time I will be staying up. I am about to have a fantastic day going out to lunch and to the movies with a dear friend whose son is away on a mission trip s she has time today.

THe first time I was woken up was at 6 to run an errand for my son at the last minute. I wasn't thrilled but it was a blessing as I got a mile walk in nice and early before it heated up already by now. So overall it was a good thing.

Last week I was choosing not to eat carbs one day at a time. Today, I am letting myself off the hook for my day trip.

Have a great weekend.



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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (17,039)
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6/12/19 6:57 P

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Hi all - It was 105 degrees here Mon & Tues and my AC is also broke. I have to wait a week for it to be fixed. Give me strength, Lol.

Hope the job situation works out, Kathleen. I know how hard it is to find something you really enjoy.

Well looks like I might be joining a gym (gasp!) I have a 3 day pass and so far I love it. It's WAY too hot to walk outside so I might need to be at the gym for the next couple months. In a way, I'm excited because my muscles are very weak so I do need to build them back.

Enjoy your evening, everyone.

SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
6/11/19 1:19 P

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It sure is quiet around here.

I started my job 3 weeks ago. I love what I am actually supposed to be paid for-- community relations.I'm actually being paid for 12 hours of office time when its supposed to be 9 of community relations and thats it.

2 problems
1) sitting at the desk no one knows if I am there for office or community relations
2) the office manager (who was my office volunteer supervisor is NOT my community relations supervisor) and she is trying to fill my time with office stuff.

I just want to spend my time doing the cmmunity relations work. The contract is 9 hours a week. They dont care when I put the 9 hours in...which is great because it gives me freedom to eat and build relationships out side the office at the local soup kitchens. Also, to develop transportation prgrams and community prayer requests. and eventually other stuff eill come along.

well today I was working on a file for addiction recovery centers. If I was just doing it on my 9 WHENEVER hours I could have stayed and finished. But because the office manager wants me in the office from 9 - noon 4 days a week I had to leave at noon or it was free time.

They are never going to know what the job actually entails if I only do it during those compress hours which do not include being out in the community. If I keep a separate log the pastor is going to be upset that I am not getting paid for what I was hired for.

If I speak up
1) we will need volunteers to cover the desk hours from here on out
2) my pay will go down from 12 hours to 9 hours and I could really use the extra $30 dollars -- since this is to supplement my $800 disability check

my son says to suck it up and do the office hours for the paycheck and do my stuff in and outside of that without reporting more than the stable 12 hours.

I could do this because I love the work so its not like work. But I find when I am in the middle of community work and I have to stop to do clerical work for the office I get miffed. The office is secondary according to my contract and my supervisor.

Now that I have said all this...the Pastor is just going to have to have a talk with the office manage. This is above my paygrade LOL to figure this stuff out. the two of them have two different agendas.





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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
6/10/19 8:48 P

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Val hope your family reunion was fun and that game does sound neat!

I had to take an upset daughter out for ice cream tonight because she had wanted to go to her sister's softball game and her dad wouldn't allow it. It pisses me off that he actually pushed her to the ground before leaving but she did not get hurt because that was the first thing I asked.

He also got some kind of key for the dog crates where the kids cannot get to the dogs when they are home. First, that spells fire disaster because the kids could not get the dogs out if their was a fire. Also, I think it is animal cruelty. I plan on calling the SPCA tomorrow about it but my dad things I should wait and see first but I disagree. I'm just going to ask question his actions and say the owner is doing this etc....not mention any names.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 965
6/3/19 8:52 A

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Kathleen - maybe my son is having a regression ;-) - he used to demand I watch him play his favorite games all the time, and the other day he wanted me to see the new version of an old favorite “Red Dead Redemption”...
The graphics are incredible, and they have “upgraded” the horses so each breed has its own capabilities, you have to practice some sort of horsemanship & not just jump on & ride like hell.
I thought it was pretty cool, anyway.
But speaking of horsemanship, this weekend’s rescheduled ride was a challenge since it was suddenly hot hot HOT (hello June!); there was very low completion percentage since everyone had to slow down, horses weren’t recovering within the necessary time limits (you have 30 min to meet pulse criteria). I was shepherding a friend through her first event, we came in over time, and my friend Christina who was riding my horse Baraq also was disqualified at 40 mi when he didn’t meet pulse criteria.
I’m joking that we’re the “3 strikes” team, but I’m just glad none of my ponies required treatment, by the time I got home Sat night everyone buried their muzzles in the tall grass (DH stayed home to MOW).
Gotta start getting organized on packing since we fly out Wed night for P’s family reunion.
emoticon

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
6/1/19 7:21 P

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Ha that's funny you thought I was related to her! I would meet her again I will say. She is one of my favorites from when she played Julia even back in the old Santa Barbara days. I have been watching her on TV for a long time. Since I was 13 and then off and on through the years. She's done other things like Diagnosis Murder and Castle and yes I still watch General Hospital. It's one of my guilty pleasures.

Great you got a good walk in!!!

I have had a hell day of June 1st. I had to work today and it was awful. Call back to back and no relief. They kept moving my breaks and unfortunately I didn't see it until after I had the break so my adherence will be off with all the rest of the stuff! I think I desperately need a new job because I have had enough of this one. They pay little for doing so much. I am having an interview on Thursday. Could you please say a prayer that it goes well!!! Thank you! I will be praying too. I hope to be prepared enough for it. It would pay more than $4 of what I currently earn and it would be nice I think and hope! I have been praying lately. I prayed after meeting Nancy Lee Grahn (that actress from GH) that something will change in my life. I think I have had enough of having a terrible life. It's not totally terrible because my dad helps with my finances and I greatly appreciate it. I just want to be able to support myself better. I don't know...sorry for rambling so much!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
5/31/19 8:48 P

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VAl- sorry to hear about the AC troubles and the puppies.

Sarah- I was scrolling up from the bottom and saw you picture with Nancy first and thought " are you serious she is related to Alexis?" hahahaha I was so jealous til I read the post. She is ne of my favorite characters from years ago when I watched GH. Sorry moodscope didn't work for you. You have to click on the cards number that fits even if the card is up right for the correct answer. Maybe I have an old version because mine doesn't have a timer. But I've been using it for many years. ANyway I hope the app VAL told you about works well. BTW thank you for the compliment.

WHEW I am still yawning. I napped from noon- 2pm and then from 6-8pm and am just getting up and going really after making a pot of coffee and putting in some laundry. This morning I got up at 5:30 and walked to Walmart to cash my first paycheck. Its 5 miles round trip. so it felt good when I got home at 9am. I just continued relaxing til my first nap. I just didnt nap long enough. I couldn't really wake up while watching Malcolm play his games. YAWN again wow!

Edited by: SPARKKITTY2016 at: 5/31/2019 (20:49)

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
5/29/19 6:02 P

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Thanks Val. I think I am going to ditch moodscope. I already got the app and it seems really neat!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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ENDUROVET's Photo ENDUROVET Posts: 965
5/29/19 8:56 A

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I signed up for Moodscope & promptly dropped it - I just wasn’t feeling their process!
But another friend tipped me off to an app called Woebot, which is like super-simplified CBT Therapy (granted I’m only on the 2nd lesson, “Importance of good sleep hygiene”)
As IF I didn’t realize that, but it’s challenging when my week is booked solid - we got my son moved into rent house on Monday, but the AC’s not working, so last night we took him one of our old window units for his BR & also his puppies now that he’s settled...
Didn’t get home till almost 11, so I knew I wasn’t going to have a restful night: worrying about how much AC repairs may be, and how my sweet puppies will adjust!
Dwayne didn’t want to go - I had to pick him up & carry him to car, poor Patsy got carsick & threw up all over me!

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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
5/28/19 7:06 A

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I am having trouble using mood scope because it is timed. It keeps picking the wrong thing. Now if the first card is right you just wait right? I am getting low scores for no reason other than it is timed and I haven't figured how to do it yet. Thanks for any input.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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SLBROOKS3's Photo SLBROOKS3 Posts: 3,732
5/27/19 10:34 A

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Thank you Deb for your kind words about me not being a bad mom. I sure try. In fact, I have had the kids since Thursday night and yesterday I gained 2 more. Amy and Riley were supposed to go swimming with us but somehow it turned into a sleep over. My daughter, Megan, is like by the way they are staying the night. I have to take Amy home too which I have done before so no biggy. I wasn't too happy about the sleep over. Also, my daughter, Michelle re-arranged the entire living room and then for the sleep over she brought in two mattresses so they could all sleep together into the living room. As long as she brings all the mattresses back! Riley is getting picked up and then I have to take Amy home. Then at 4 pm I am meeting my kids dad to drop them off with him. I am glad I said 4 pm so I have a little time to chill. Although a friend at work said she would have said noon. Oh well.

4 managers that I have worked with for years got fired about 2 weeks ago and I have been looking for another job. There is a new job at the job I work at now which I applied for. It sounds like it would be a better fit for me. I have tried updating my resume and stuff. We'll see. I got my resume reviewed and they said I didn't use enough active verbs. I am not sure how to fix it.

Deb I hope your move went smoothly. Tova I am sorry you are getting another class added to your workload.
Kathleen, I love your new picture. You look beautiful! I am glad you are having a break from depression. My depression has been in remission for a while too. But once in a while I have a problem but I think that is normal. Also have had problems not reading. I don't know why but I had a time when I was reading for a while and then it stopped. I guess I need to find time to read and just do it. Add it to my schedule. Thank you for the link to moodscope. It looks interesting and I'll have to check it out. I am sorry they are trying to get you to do desk work. I hope you talk to the pastor right away.

Last weekend was great for me. I went to NYC alone by bus and met Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis on General Hospital) and had a wonderful time. She was very gracious and pleasant with her fans. She let me get 5 autographs for other people and me too. Long story! I stayed at a nice hotel and enjoyed it. Then on Sunday I met my dad for lunch. That was okay. Then had trouble going home. The bus driver greets us that he is new and then proceeds to hit another bus or something exiting the Port Authority! So we all had to fill out an accident report and wait for another bus to come. So the other bus comes and we get the same driver. I was boiling mad at this but what could I do. We made it to somewhere on the Jersey Turnpike. Have no clue where we were and he pulls over right next to the highway because there is something wrong with this bus! I got extremely lucky. I waited maybe a half an hour and another bus came asking for people going to my destination! I got on the other bus and made it home around 8 pm. I call it a miracle bus because it was truly a miracle it came right then. Anyway, here is the bad selfie I got with Nancy. At least it is something to prove I met her.



Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

Started 11/22/15 207 lbs
Now: 3/12/2021 172 lbs
Aiming for 164 lbs


 current weight: 171.2 
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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
5/26/19 1:28 P

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Hi Everyone!! emoticon Any plans for tomorrow?


Deb-- will you be getting an extra day of help this weekend with the holiday? My hat is off to you. I was overwhelmed just packing up winter and long sleeves and finding where to store them so I don't forget them. Thank you for your encouragement. It always comes when I need to hear it.

I was up this morning at 6 and should have gone for a walk but I chose to stay in bed. The goal is to walk first thing in the morning while it is still cooler and still have time to shower before leaving. Today I got back from church at 11am but it was too hot to go. I will go tonight at 9pm when the feel like temp is back in the mid 70's. Then tomorrow I plan to GET OUT at 6AM. LOL

I was hired at my church to be the new Community Liaison.Its just part time but it is doing things I would love to do. The office manager and dear friend wants me in the office 9-noon four days a week answering phones and helping people that come in...but that is not what I was hired to do....and its more hours than they hired me for. She thinks it will be ok but its not gonna fly. Its not on my paperwork, but since she knows that I'm only to be there 9 hours a week then they told her specifically. I can't just try to squeeze in 3 more. PLUS I'm supposed to be getting to know the communities needs and communicating that to our church. I need to be IN the community to learn that. I'm not gonna gather much information answering phones, handing out 4 bags of food, and pointing people down the hall to get help on their utilities weekly.

She also said "you need to train them that they cannot just pull you away from the desk during those 3 hours. If they start pulling yo away to do this community stuff I'm gonna be upset. I need you here. I am not getting any other volunteers to replace you."

I love her dearly... but 1) I wasn't hired to get paid to watch the desk 2) four other ladies also work the desk in the afternoons and they are not paid-- the church can't justify paying me then 3) I WANT to do the community stuff.

I'm gonna have to carefully bring it up to the Pastor who is actually my official supervisor. I just don't want him to get mad at her for taking liberties with my job description and hours when she is not technically over me anymore.



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BRENNERS03's Photo BRENNERS03 Posts: 240
5/22/19 12:11 P

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Anyone else struggle with the rollercoaster of too much or too little sparkpeople interaction? I have not been getting any notifications and login every work day (still working on a routine at home) but have not found a good balance with a daily routine of time or chats or something that works well. Welcome any suggestions!

As for my experiences right now, I'm trying to hang on through the downhill ride until it starts to go up again...really sick of meds and doctors but learning to have the perspective that it's a part of life and I want to be a part of life so it's all good. Basically my thyroid is determining this for me so I've got to keep advocating for optimal treatment and that will be a lifelong journey. The good this week...finally got a med pack that allowed me to walk at a normal speed again!

Wishing you all some sunshine and rainbows after the rain!

~B

"Go boldly in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." ~Thoreau


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DTSOBEL's Photo DTSOBEL Posts: 4,580
5/21/19 5:01 P

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Deb, good luck with your move.

I am very tired today. Ready for the 3 day weekend. Only 3 days and 1 hour left to go.

Tova, West Hills, CA (Los Angeles)

Ms Tova SlytherDor Tri Team 21.22.23

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 16,719
5/21/19 11:32 A

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Hi everyone,

I hope that you are all having a good week so far. I am busy, busy, busy still moving. I am sort of waiting on more help from my daughter and son. They will help on the weekends, but it is just me during the day. This downsizing from a three bedroom house, which I mostly took as I downsized to a two bedroom apartment and stored stuff, then stored the two bedroom apartment while I moved in with my daughter and now I am having to downsize to a one bedroom apartment from there. This divvying up three household's of stuff is overwhelming me. I have to get rid of a lot of stuff and the memories that it is bringing up are very emotional. It is a real stroll down memory lane - some good and some bad. It is a good thing to be starting over. It is healthy to let go of the stifling parts of the past. It is a new beginning and I am up for the challenge. It is just taking longer than I thought. I have already broken down over 20 boxes and still have several more to do. I am moving as fast as I can, but it will take my daughter and son to help remove and donate the excess. Some of the bags of trash they have filled I can't even lift. I have to divvy the bags up. Ahhhh!! So, forgive me if I am more absent for a bit. I am still working my Sparkpeople program and exercise routine daily. I am exhausted by the end of everyday - around 7:00 pm. I just drop into bed every night as soon as I eat. It is gaining me lots of exercise hauling and shoving boxes and bags. I will be so happy when it is all finished.

Kat, I find that reading your blogs help uplift me and help keep my spirits up. They make me think. Thank you for that.I hope that your abscess is better. I have an infected cut in my gum and it is making my entire lower face swollen and tender. I think that dental pain is some of the worst pain that you can endure. It makes my head hurt if I bend over. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get an antibiotic. That should help.

Tova, yesterday was a horrible day for me, but today will be better. I hope that your guide dog in training passed with flying colors and that you won't have to be separated yet.

Marie, hi !! I love these Sparkpeople challenges. They help me stay accountable. I am so happy to hear that you have found a suitable dress for your event !! It is going to boost your confidence so much. Have a wonderful time !!

I hope that everyone has a pleasant week, if not a stellar one. I will get through this move. It won't kill me and it will eventually be a huge blessing. Sending positive energy and emoticon to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Spring 5% Challenge 2019
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DTSOBEL's Photo DTSOBEL Posts: 4,580
5/20/19 4:55 P

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Mondays are often hard. Today, is not a horrible day but not a great day. Yofi, our guide dog in training went into formal/harness training on Saturday. So unless he graduates, we won't ever see him again. Here is to hoping he graduates!

Tova, West Hills, CA (Los Angeles)

Ms Tova SlytherDor Tri Team 21.22.23

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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (17,039)
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5/18/19 10:13 P

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I'm also doing a Challenge in another group for Summer. I was going to skip it since I will be traveling but then I decided it's probably smarter to try and keep my momentum going at least until I reach my initial goal weight.

Side note, I finally found a dress to wear to the event I mentioned a while back. I actually look decent in the dress, which is a miracle. I looked absolutely horrible in every dress I tried on for the past few months. So I was considering trying to make a dress. But then today, I got lucky. It's amazing how the right cut on a dress makes all the difference in the world. It's actually almost flattering on me. I know it's so superficial, but I was dreading going to this event because I didn't want to feel uncomfortable and frumpy. Now I will at least feel a little bit good (or neutral, instead of bad.)

Anyway, I hope you're all having a nice weekend!


P.S. Kathleen, have you googled free clinics? I think that's very dangerous to have an untreated abscess but maybe I'm wrong? I wonder if a clinic could give you free antibiotics. I hope you are feeling better. Tooth pain can really be rough!

.

DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL Posts: 16,719
5/17/19 8:03 A

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Thank you kiddo I've joined up !!

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
Portland, Or
Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Spring 5% Challenge 2019
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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FOXBAY99's Photo FOXBAY99 Posts: 41,931
5/17/19 12:40 A

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HI! I just started a Sparkk challenge to earn over 200 or more Spark Points a day or more.
Please join me. emoticon

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- An old English Proverb

If it's important to you you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
- Frank Banks.

Strive for progress, not perfection.
Exerciseminutes Exerciseminutes


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SPARKKITTY2016's Photo SPARKKITTY2016 Posts: 11,498
5/16/19 10:22 A

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I had an abscess yesterday and couldn't pierce it with a pin. I don't have the money for a dentist until I start officially at my job and get paid. I have several teeth in the back that have broken off or just eroded away -- I heard its because of my diabetes not being treated for 2 years. Even my front teeth are shrinking. I'm hoping to do something about them before they are gone. ANYWAY...
my mouth hurt soo bad. I took Advil and it was 40 minutes or so before it kicked in. Then when it relaxed I got sleepy. I slept for 7.5 hours. The pain started again within 5 minutes so I laid back down and it went away. I took some ore Advil so I could volunteer without pain.

I may have to lay down this afternoon again.

On the depression front... I'm mid line so normal. I score in the 50's on my 100 pt scale questionnaire I do www.moodscope.com I used to be in the 70's and 80's regularly. Now Ican't hit 60. I tell myself this is normal level but I don't like this feeling. I feel flat. I guess that is better than depressed. But I dont have interest in anything at this level.



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Kathleen, I am not sure how to teach that level of English Learners. It would be lots of vocabulary, lots of letting the kids translate from their native languages and using sentence starters, I guess. I am not even sure there are books for the course.

Been having tummy issues since Saturday at 3 am. Wondering if I should call the doctor to be seen?

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5/15/19 12:06 P

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Deb- How do you like the new place?

DTSOBEL- that sounds like an awful lot of work for little payoff. That would be frustrating. How do you teach kids that don't speak english?

Got a mammogram this morning and have therapy in another hour. I don't mind mammograms. I can't feel them at all so I am lucky.

God is working in my life. I truly believe that god wants me to put in the time to watch y son play his online gaming (that I dn't care 2 cents about) for several hours a day. We were separated for like 8 years. He had it very hard during that time and it was filled with instability. His anxiety is high and his depression is strong right now. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs he is at the security and stability stage. His basics are covered but he needs to feel like security and stability are not fleeting this time. I am at the other end of the triangle. I am working on self actualization. I have to remember what it was like for me coming out of instability and extreme poverty with a mental illness on top of it.

So I say God is working because the more time my son seems to need to help him stay out of deep depression (varies from day to day) the quicker I seem to get all my own responsibilities done. I ill think I have 5 hours of stuff to do and it will all get done in 2.
Sometimes I get a second wind late at night and get stuff done for the next day so that it clears up the whole day ...and then without my son knowing I have the whole day free-- it will ironically be a difficult day for him where he needs more time.

Thank God my depression is at bay right now. We would be in trouble if we were both depressed at the same time.




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Thank you everyone for your kind words. It means a lot to me. I often don't feel very good about my teaching. Another blow came on Friday when my dept chair told me she wants me to teach,yet another, new class next year. This will be the 5th new class in 6 yrs. I seem to teach said class once and then the class isn't offered any more. So I come up with new material for one year of teaching. This class will be intro to science for kids who just immigrated here to the US and don't speak English yet. It can't be only in Spanish (I don't speak Spanish anyways) as we have over 50 languages in our school. In addition, the dept chair sent an email to the whole dept about the schedules. Oh except she didn't send it to me!

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5/11/19 9:52 A

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Hello, happy Saturday !!

Well, it is moving day for me!! My friend, Christine, and I are going to attack and move my storage from the storage unit to my new apartment. We are going for coffee first thing right off the bat, then by the apartment to get a sense of where we are going to put so many boxes. There is a lot of stuff in that storage, so much of it will have to go. Trying to downsize from a house to a one bedroom apartment is going to be tricky. I will be donating quite a lot to Goodwill and maybe will have to have a dump run to boot. For Mother's Day my son and his wife are giving me a 42" TV. I had to get rid of mine awhile back, so they are replacing it for me. I deeply appreciate the gift and I am so thankful for them and their support. My daughter is pleased for me and pleased for her too. We are both grateful for this blessing right now. She will help me during this next week to get my bedroom over there. I have some small boxes, an antique dresser and my bed to get to my apartment. She will get a truck to help me do that. So, everyone is helping. This move should be pretty painless, except for having to get rid of so much stuff. I wonder if the storage facility will let me have a "garage sale" from my storage unit to get rid of most of my stuff. I will have to ask. I could put an add in the paper for next week. It would be a way to profit from my loss. This is going to be a busy day.

Sarah, you are not a bad mother. It sounds to me as if you are meeting your end of the parental obligations. If you are the noncustodial parent and you are paying child support and you are accepting extra visitation, you are not falling down on your job as a parent. I wish you luck with the bedtime blues.

Tova, what a wonderful profession that teaching is. I have great respect for the teachers of this world. It is a skill that few possess. Being able to teach effectively and make a difference in so many lives, must be satisfying. When I write my Spotlight of the Day feature for my 5% Challenge duties, I always refer to teachers as our unsung heroes. I believe that and I think that Teachers get a bad rap and they need to be paid better. After all you are the front line in the education of our kids and for that we need to thank you !! I hope that you enjoy the extra time you get this summer without all those extra classes and preparation.

Kat, thank you for writing your blogs. I enjoy each and everyone of them. My favorite this week has been the one on Nietzsche and "there is no God." I thought that was excellent. I have been and will continue to pray for you and for Malcolm. I am so happy to hear that they have pledges covering your work for the Church. It sounds like such an exciting position. I'm sure that you will be great in your new job. Congratulations !!

I hope that you all have an excellent weekend. I will be slaving away, but happy. It is going to be 86 here today. We have had weather in the 80's all week. We will need to stay hydrated today, so lots and lots of water. I am moving at the right time. Next week will be as stormy as this week was so summer like. We will go back down to the 60's and 70's after this lovely sunshine and warm weather. Happy Saturday and many blessings Sunday !!Sending positive energy and emoticon to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
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5/11/19 8:54 A

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Tova I didn't know you were a teacher that's great!

Had a problem with my youngest, Megan, again last night where she threw a bad temper tantrum and her dad does nothing won't even take her back at that point. He really should he is the one with custody. It makes me so mad.

I couldn't even get her to go to bed until almost 3 am. I have given up on the bed time woes. I would rather not have a screaming fight in the middle of the night. No thank you. So I let her stay up until whenever she wants now.

I know I feel like a bad mom. I am non-custodial and I pay child support and I don't have to see them as much as I do. I'm not sure what the problem is. The dad who has custody needs to be more responsible. He never is. Just wants to dump them on me.

Sarah
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"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

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5/9/19 4:44 P

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Sarah- we are here regardless what you are going through! Get it out girl!

Tova- Good for you taking care of yourself and NOT doing what you don't have to if you don't want to. Enjoy your summer.

DEB emoticon emoticon Congrats on the apartment. How exciting. I especially like that you will have time with Micah 5 afternoons a week. That will help the transition not seem lonely and too quiet after 10 years with others.

I have a prayer request...
The church this Monday asked me to take on 6 more hours for a total of 15 paid hours. I agreed and got excited. That would be $600 extra dollars a month total. I would like that to hold true. They have gotten in extra pledges from people who want to support me and the position they are creating. Please pray that I can keep the extra hours.

(the reason I need prayer is because the 6 extra hours were going to be covering a position that someone quit. But they decided to stay. That position had nothing to do with what I was originally hired for. And like I said they told me the response regarding getting pledges for my position was more fruitful than the original need so the money is there. AND most of the people giving want to be sure the money goes to me not to another program anyway.)

But I know God knows my needs and the needs to cover my son. I am grateful for all He does and is doing. I will trust in His outcome.



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I talked to the head chem teacher and the physics teacher yesterday. They are both as baffled as I am. But both agree, No I will not help the teacher being trained this summer. And they also said the department chair is known for making BAD decisions! It is really for my benefit. I don't have all the extra work that goes into teaching AP. Instead, I will have more time to quilt and not make my life all about work. That is never fun. I DON"T have to go to more training this summer. I DON"T have to take a college chemistry class this next fall. I DON"T have to give up one Saturday a month to take students to UCLA for AP prep. I DON"T have to stay after school setting up labs and I DON"T have to spend weekends grading lab notebooks for students who want to be given all the answers and do NO work!

I can make my brother's quilt, my Judy Niemeyer Sundial quilt, my Judy Niemeyer Diamond Wedding Ring quilt or any of the other kits we have bought over the years and I can be home!

And if I decide, I may be a National Board Certified teacher. For ~$1975, I can be NBC'ed and get a 7.5%-15% pay raise. I get 7.5% just for being NBC and another 7.5% if I mentor a new teacher or teach professional development for 92 hours/yr. Far more money and better for me. The union has an orientation and Q&A session a week from Monday that I will go to. And the state union has a "Jump Start" program for 3 days about 1.5 hours east of here. The Jump Start program is free but I will stay 3 nights in a hotel, near there and in the evenings, quilt.

Last night, as we were driving to the local quilt store for the mystery quilt reveal, (on the freeway, going 70mph) our tire shredded. We were able to get to the shoulder and a Freeway service patrol came and changed the tire. It was a bit scary. Doug is taking the tire to be replaced today.


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5/7/19 11:20 A

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I was having a stressful day yesterday. Thought about calling in sick (didn't feel great and didn't sleep well either) but couldn't figure out what I was going to teach and getting a sub is WAY worse. I should have called in....

And yesterday got worse. I was told that I will NOT be teaching AP next year. On one hand, great. It is a LOT of work. And the students often feel untitled and spoiled! But the teacher who is going to teach it, I was told 6 yrs ago, the school absolutely did NOT want her to teach the subject AND she is retiring in 2 yrs. So why pay for her to be trained. It will take at LEAST 2 yrs to figure stuff out. And to boot, she wants me to help her. NO! JUST NO!

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5/6/19 6:24 P

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Congrats Deb! That's awesome. I'm one of those weird people who actually likes moving (I hate packing though but the moving in part is so much fun.) You will have a blast decorating and getting things the way you want them. It's a brand new start.

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5/5/19 5:21 P

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Hi Deb,

I am so glad you got a new home to live in. I am feeling a bit better today. Got some sleep. Did laundry and got groceries. I guess I just had no energy last night and I had been putting off the episode where the kid dies. I finally watched it.

I am all caught up on the show now and didn't cry much after the initial passing. I think I can make it through the funeral and all that will happen on next week's show. I've never read or seen Pet Cemetery but I have read some of Stephen King.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

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5/5/19 9:29 A

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Hi everyone,

I'm sorry that I have been more MIA than usual, lately. I have been running all over town trying to get the documentation and funds together to get into my new apartment. I am sooo happy!! I will finally be on my own again after 10 years of helping to raise and care for my grand children. I have devoted myself to them and now it is time for Grandma to be on her own. They can come to Grandma's house to visit now. It frees my days up, because Jeni will get Micah ready and off to school in the mornings, since she doesn't have to leave for work until an hour after his bus shows up. So, now I will only be there to meet the school bus for Micah in the afternoons. I will only be watching him from 2:40 pm to @ 6:30 pm, when Jeni arrives home. It will be different living on my own again after so many years. I am looking forward to getting all my stuff out of storage, after all this time. It will be like Christmas getting into my stuff after so long. I don't have some furniture, but I have the basics - like a bed. But a couch and a TV will have to wait, so I hope my computer doesn't go out on me in the next couple of months. I am on my 589 th day of logging into the Sparkpeople and I hope to increase that in the future, if I can keep this laptop going. I pick up the keys and look at the apartment on Monday. I am so blessed this month.

Kat, I'm glad that your retreat went well and I hope by now the Church is able to cover your salary with the pledges. I know that you need that money and you deserve it. It's great that your exercise program is working right now. Success at anything, especially health is uplifting. Good luck with the job. You will be excellent at it.

Marie, Thank you for asking about the apartment. As stated, I've just gotten the final approval for my new home. I will pick up the keys on Monday and start moving on Wednesday. I have to empty my storage unit and my friend Christine and I packed it, so we will unoad it too. The kids have to work, but Christine and I will be able to do most of it. I am in heaven with my new found free time. It will make it easier getting to the Rec Center and the gym.

Sarah, I am so sorry that your are upset by the bad day that you had. This is the perfect place for venting about a bad day. We can all relate to that. With the depressions that most of us go through, it is easy to understand. I got all teary and upset when I originally read Stephen King's Pet Sematary. I was so upset that he used children as ghouls and as evil souls that I couldn't finish it. I never read another Stephen King book after that. I was pregnant with my son and very emotional about a lot. I don't like scary movies either. I guess that I am no fun. I hope that the LATUDA does become effective for you.

Tova, Hi how are you? I fight with my daughter too, but now that we are living apart, I suspect things will get better. However, your daughter is young yet. Struggling with a young adult can be frustrating. I hope that you can get through this phase easily with her. There is hope. It's only temporary for the age she's at. She will grow up and mature soon. I wish you great success with your relationship.

One of the best things about all this is my sewing machine will be accessible and I can make quilts and do hand work again. I am so excited. Living on my own will be an experience! I accept the challenge. Have a really blessed Sunday and a wonderful week coming up!! I hope that eveyone starts the week in good space. Sending positive energy and emoticon to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb

Edited by: DEBTEVELDAHL at: 5/5/2019 (09:33)
Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
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Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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5/4/19 7:37 P

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I've been crying because I watched a TV show that had a 16 year old die from cancer. It is on General Hospital, which I have been a dedicated viewer for some years now. Anyway it is so sad. My oldest is only 3 years younger. Can't help feel that I wish something like that would happen to me but I don't really wish it...I mean I would get cancer and die. Maybe that's why I don't watch my weight enough and have not been doing well. I feel so fat. I know it could be worse.

My apartment is a disaster again and I have tomorrow only to do laundry. It has been a busy week of work. I had to worked today and they let me go a whopping 15 minutes early. I took it. 15 minutes is better than nothing.

Sorry maybe this doesn't belong in daily chat but in bad day. I don't know. I'll cope because I have to. And then I complained to my mom that the new drug I am on, Latuda, I hadn't noticed a difference. She says she noticed a difference! I don't know what it means.

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

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5/1/19 5:12 P

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Sarah, my daughter is 18, 19 on May 12. She was in a crappy mood because I asked her to bring up the trashcans from the curb to our backyard, all of ~100 yds and she felt her brother (who was at work, 21 yo) should have to bring one up. She doesn't want to help do any work around the house but wants access to our car for her use.

When we went out to dinner without her, (date night?) because she wasn't acting nicely, we told her she needed to be downstairs and take care of the dogs. Her way of dealing with the dogs was to feed them and put them all in their crates so she didn't have to deal with them. Not ok.

She was better yesterday.

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5/1/19 9:37 A

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Tova- my son and i fight a couple times a month. It send me down too. He even says at the end "now don't let this get you in another depression and you just sleep a lot again" HUGS for you.

I did enjoy my retreat. The church has almost gotten enough pledges in to hire me. I am trying not to get anxious but I could sure use the money now.

My exercise is going well since being home. Its nice to be able to move for long periods of time



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5/1/19 6:56 A

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DTSOBEL it's because you don't expect it from you own daughter. I know what you mean. Or then you blame yourself for not doing something right in raising them. I'm not sure how old your daughter is or what the fight was about but HUGS!

Sarah
EST Owego, New York
EL for the Shooting Stars
"The thought God holds of you is like a star, unchangeable in an external sky." from A Course in Miracles

Team Leader of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo!

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4/29/19 1:04 P

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Why does fighting with my daughter send me into a tailspin?

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4/26/19 5:08 P

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Marie, I would go to Mood fabrics over Joanne's any day. I may have to look at Mood fabrics some weekend. Joanne's fabric is not good quality in my opinion. Have you looked at F and S fabrics also on Pico.

I don't know if it is a fluke or not but I am down 1.6 lbs from yesterday! So I now have 10 lbs to lose to be "overweight". Here is to eating less carbs and sort of intermittent fasting.

As a NSV, the special ed kids at our school sell brownies, coffee, water, croissants and brownies. The brownies are baked at a special ed school next door and are AMAZING! But has to be high in carbs! They looked so good today but I told the teacher after losing 1.6 lbs since yesterday, I was not going to ruin it! So the other Chemistry teacher offered to buy my a brownie. "No Thanks, I'm good, but thanks for offering!"

Here is why the brownie story is even funnier..... I was not at all tempted. But when I told the story to my husband, he says, "of course you said no, it is Passover. You can't eat that during Passover." Oh yeah, I forget. I have eat so few carbs, it doesn't feel like Passover and I forgot I shouldn't be eating it for religious reasons besides health. Thankfully, there was NO temptation.

I did go for a walk today and feel better about depression and yet so tired.

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4/26/19 2:54 A

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Deb, did you get the apartment? I hope so! That will be an exciting new chapter whether it's this one or another place.

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4/26/19 2:51 A

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Sorry I'm doing separate posts but I'm standing up so typing is hard. A dog bit me today (long story) so I'm trying not to sit on that side. I'm catching up on posts right now.

I hope everyone has a nice Friday.

P.S. Thank you, Deb!

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4/26/19 2:44 A

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Kayne, no I didn't have luck with the fabrics. I'm thinking about going to Mood Fabrics in Los Angeles. Also I REALLY wish I had a dress form but those are expensive! It would be fun to be able to drape fabrics like that instead of a table.

So glad you are feeling good lately. Enjoy your sewing and creative time. :)

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4/26/19 2:39 A

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Tova, is your name on the deed too? If so, he can't force you to sell it.

I know what you mean about being the youngest. Even as adults, we are sometimes not treated very well. They are used to bossing the youngest around. I'm surprised they still do it even though you have a husband on your side now. Usually that makes them stop a little.

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4/24/19 2:04 P

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I am feeling very panicky today. My brother wanted to sell our parents house 3 yrs ago. At that time, I said yes. Well, he didn't do anything about it and now he wants to sell. This will likely affect my daughter's financial aid. My brother basically said too bad.

My husband then called to tell me how I need to insist that my brother get 3 different agents to give us their best offer, etc. But my brother doesn't listen to me. I am just the baby of the family and I don't know ANYTHING!

Tova, West Hills, CA (Los Angeles)

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4/24/19 10:56 A

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Good morning !

Kayne, Sewing and needle craft in any degree, is a great gift and talent. You should be proud of your accomplishments and your work. My grandmother used to sew about a third of my school clothes every year when I was growing up. She taught my sisters and me to sew, but we were never as good as she was . She used to make the prettiest knitted afghans too. She had a natural aptitude for all fancy work and stitching. I envy you your skill. I like to sew and to quilt, but haven't done much in the last ten years. I have been knitting some small things, but that's it. I am no seamstress. You are very clever and you definitely have skills. Good luck to you with your class and your pattern making. It's nice that you are feeling so good and that winter is thawing and Spring is springing. I hope that your good mood prevails.

Kat, Have fun on your retreat. That sounds so good right now, I could use a little spirituality in my life right now. It is a very stressful time for me. Thank you for the prayers. I need all that I can get. I hope that you can avoid temptation, but those Church ladies usually make some excellent food. Enjoy !!

I am just getting all my ducks in a row and am looking for paperwork today, that I will need for tomorrow and my meeting with the property manager. She is just back from vacation, so maybe she will be in a good mood and rested. Things always go better when you are relaxed. I really am looking forward to this interview tomorrow. It is important for so many reasons. Have a wonderful Wednesday !! Sending positive energy and emoticon to those who need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson
Deb
PST - Pacific Standard Time - West Coast
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Co leader of the Dealing with Depression team
ML/WL co leader of the Rowdy Rebels Spring 5% Challenge 2019
Co leader of the Living with Bipolar Disorder


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4/24/19 10:20 A

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Deb-- thank you for your continued support. Prayers going up for you for tomorrow.

This will be quick. I have so much to do. I am going away tomorrow for a 4 day retreat. I hear there is a LOT of food. I hope I do not overdo it.

Hello to everyone else. I will catch up on the reading here on Sunday night or Monday during volunteering.
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25.35
33.8

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