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THECOZE's Photo THECOZE Posts: 1,440
2/22/18 3:31 P

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Deja-

No, the methodology that I am enduring is not for everyone but yes... it motivates me. He is very good at figuring out what is going to motivate me to do better and saying all the right things. Funniest thing is that sometimes He's a big bootiehead and it drives me to prove Him wrong. Cathartic??? Not at all... there is no absolution in what I'm doing. I know when I do wrong and still have a habit of beating myself up for them. He says that I should not but I cannot help it sometimes.

Now, please don't think that everything with Him is just bad. Afterwards, He talked to me and then hugged me and held me, telling me that He didn't want to me quit or give up on myself. Yes, it's painful. Yes, the path is difficult but when I step on the scale and see the number going down... yes... it's worth it!!!

Remember... it's not about the end result, it's all about the journey!


 current weight: 49.7  over
50
25
0
-25
-50
DEJU_DIKE's Photo DEJU_DIKE Posts: 788
2/22/18 8:56 A

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Yes...Tutto says I get menopause smacks and I said that want fair because I'm not bitchy on purpose. I said I should get a get out of a menopause swat free card. He said I could have a couple. My thing is, THECOZE... That kind of punishment that you received would discourage me. Is it motivating for you? Cathartic for you?

He frustrated me yesterday because he was 5 minutes from nut house and didn't arrive for nearly an hour. I was upset and let him know. Afterward when I was kneeling naked in front of him... He said, "okay, get all your frustration with me out now so we can enjoy the time we had left." I said I was pretty much done. He said, "Aww come on...you have more than that...you always do." I said he smelled good and I liked snuggling into its rounded belly. (He used to be severely under weight) Hee said that's what you say to a Dom? "You're an ass, but you smell good so that's okay." a laughed. He gets me and knows just how to build me up when I'm down, encourage when I fail, defuse me when I'm angry.

THECOZE's Photo THECOZE Posts: 1,440
2/21/18 1:17 P

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Blog post we can't post in 'normal' blog posts....

After 2 successful weeks, I didn't meat my weight loss goal for this week. In fact, I had only lost 1 pound. After a very through discussion session regarding my habits for the week, my punishment started. First it was just the leather strap but then He moved onto His bamboo paddle. OMG... that thing HURT and left immediate bruises.

Afterwards, we talked (well mostly He talked), telling me that He didn't want me to focus on the fact that I didn't make it this week (although the reminder I now carry for a while is with me) but to focus on the fact that I did make it 2 weeks in a row and can do it again.

Today, however, I can't help but feel like a failure. I know I let myself down... I know I can do better... I feel like I let Him and K down... He drives me to do better. K told me that I will have to try harder - and pointed out that He sees a downward trend in my elliptical exercise and that I need to ramp up again.

So, where do I go from here? I can't let the fact that it dietician said I can go back on to 'regular' foods again guide my diet. I know what works and I need to stick to that. Protein shakes, lean meals, lots of vegetables. Tracking my food - which isn't something I've had to do in the past - to help me be accountable. If I have to take a picture of and track something unhealthy that I know He is going to see, it will (hopefully) deter me from putting it in my mouth. Since I don't lie well (most people can see right through that), I cant even say 'Well, He will never know' because even if I attempt to omit, the weight and my body language always will tattle on me. I also downloaded an app that lets me take pictures to track my food - it doesn't count calories, so I will still have to utilize SP to track calories, but at least I can see what I've eaten and at what time and track it later.

On wards and up wards from here... even though I'm slightly uncomfortably sitting today...



Remember... it's not about the end result, it's all about the journey!


 current weight: 49.7  over
50
25
0
-25
-50
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