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1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 616,986
8/4/17 1:03 P

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Ellie: Thanks, and you are in my daily prayers as well.

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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ELLIEJOSIE's Photo ELLIEJOSIE Posts: 1,055
8/4/17 12:56 P

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my thanks and hugs to each of you in your situations. I believe in prayer and your stories are in my heart as I pray daily. My stress is not over but it is reduced a great deal. We still have health issues for DH, and he isn't as willing to adjust his lifestyle as much as he should, but the issues are far less than they were - but still concerning. Funny thing is, the reunion was for his side of the family. He has 5 sisters, we have 5 children, and there are numerous adult nieces, nephews, and cousins - and none of the local ones (most of them) have ever been willing to do much about a reunion except come and sit in their lawn chairs, but he wants it. The oldest is 80, he is 78, the youngest sib is in her mid-60's. I will do next year's if his health allows it, but no more after that one, because he kept trying to push me into more-more-more on this one (that I tried to cancel - he just didn't see the stress on me, and did dismiss it until I put a very firm foot down!). And frankly, I had to "blow up" to get him to accept it. But again, these are not ongoing, nearly hopeless situations now as we thought we were facing and as some of you are facing with others puttng their life style issues at your door...I love my husband's relatives, all of them are fine decent people. He and his sibs grew up in pretty awful circumstances and they all did pretty well in life and with their children, who are also fine folks; mostly not predictable given their start in life. So while this was tough this year, I appreciate what we have (and don't have) in this respect.

1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 616,986
8/4/17 9:12 A

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Jeanne: first of all, thanks. Yes it is a load of unneeded stress, but that's how stress is . .. . there when you need it least!

As for Emma, gosh . . . I cannot believe social services is not giving her any monetary support and most of all, not stepping in and helping with Emma's behavioral issues. My prayers for your DD and her family.

As for DH, I think she's approaching it the right way. You can only change yourself, and if she needs to go to counseling to develop a plan to deal w/DH, that's a great idea. Long story short, BTDT and it's worth it!

HUGS HUGS HUS

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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BLUEJAY1969's Photo BLUEJAY1969 Posts: 9,506
8/4/17 2:30 A

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Barb - I'm so sorry. What a terrible tragedy for son and his lady. And I can only imagine the daily stress of what you go through with your folks on a day to day basis and the last couple of weeks have truly been suck a sticky wicket with the both of them.

Vicki - It's got to be so very hard when you care for a loved one so much and it seems like he doesn't have the will to make the changes that would allow him to do so much for his life and fitness level. And he could do it so slowly, he probably not even notice the very small changes that could be made so gradually.

Cat - To have not just one but two someones putting the responsibilities of their lives on you has got to be beyond stressful! All I can say is that I hope you realize the reality which is that you're not truly responsible for either one of their decisions. The SIL that OD'd, I can't imagine this is is first flirtation with drugs. Thank God for the daughter that seems to have her head screwed on right. Probably watched everyone else lose their minds and made up her mind an an early age to not live a life of craziness!

ELLIEJOSIE - What can be said about guests that come during a crisis momde? How wude (as Jar Jar Binks would say!) I cannot imagine imposing on folks that are already dealing with hard ships. Expecting to be put up and have meals made while you are spending as much time at the same time! I am so happy that DS is okay this time and there was no cancer. I am also happy to hear the GS is doing better. I really don't know how you dealt with the stress. I would have needed to come home and destress in privacy.

I guess my most recent feelings of being overwhelmed is the whole situation with Emma. I'm not so worried about her per-se but my DD's stress level is through the roof. She can't get hold of anyone from social services. They are not giving them any monetary support. Destiny can't take Emma to "required appointments or she will lose her job. There is supposedly a home waiting to take her and school registration is coming up fast and Emma apparently cannot go to the same school that Dennis will be going to for some ridiculous rule that social services has. Meanwhile, Emma is beating up the 2 year old and there is noting DD can legally do about it. DD's husband is acting like a horse's patooty and giving her zero support. At her work (and she works as a small satellite office) 3 people have lost close loved ones in the last week which leaves her doing everyone's job. I'm honestly worried that she's going to have a stress breakdown.

I'm doing what I can. John and I are taking the kids again on Saturday so DD can once again shop alone and then spend some time just doing what she wants to do. We will then eat dinner together before they go home so she doesn't have to cook. She is working on a list of rules for her DH. Yes it's come to that. He expects a phone call from her every 1/2 hour to 2 hours. If she can't call, a fit will ensue. There are many, many other issues but this one is the one that is driving her the most nuts to we set this one in stone first.. Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong. I had a long talk with God about it and while DD is more than willing to go to counseling - even Christian counseling, her DH will not be drug there if we have to jerk his fingernails out. DD will work on what else she wants on that list. One thing that I know worked when I was having my bipolar meltdowns is that my DH would not react to me. It's really hard to fight with someone when they won't fight back with you. DD will be talking to him about how exactly to do that. I only know it from my point of view so it's his she needs. So I guess my main conundrum is can I do enough, quickly enough to help DD?? I can watch the kids once a week right now. Once school is set and in session, I can keep the 6 year old boy overnight and the 2 year old for 4 o4 5 hours so alone time with mama is possible. Any other suggestions would be much appreciated! Okay it's late and I'm going to do the QOTD and turn in!

"and I said to my body softly; "I want to be your friend." it took a long breath and replied; "I have been waiting my whole life for this." - Nayyirah Waheed

Mountain Standard Time, USA

Hugs,
Jeanne


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1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 616,986
8/3/17 4:43 P

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Cathy: OH MY GOSH. Prayers. So much for you and your sis to deal with.

Ellie: OH my. Structured environments surely do help make things more manageable with autism. Anything that helps!!


Love is the root of all things good in life.


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ELLIEJOSIE's Photo ELLIEJOSIE Posts: 1,055
8/3/17 4:40 P

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My DH was in and out of the hospital, then ER, then urgent care, then because there were so many unknowns about what we were facing, I had to cancel a major family reunion (I was planning it and out of Towners stay with us), but 5 decided to come anyway, so I had to plan a much reduced get together, plus meals. In addition I had no kitchen and no half bath because we had started a renovation before his health went to pot. As this was happening I had to help with a GS, going through an autism diagnosis, because his daycare was unable to care for him. I was very overwhelmed but DHs diagnosis/treatments eventually worked, there was surgery but there was no cancer; GS is doing great at a different daycare with more structure, the family get together worked out, we have our kitchen done, the half bathroom downstairs will be replaced with a full one, done in another week, and I am sleeping well these days!

CAT-IN-CJ's Photo CAT-IN-CJ Posts: 5,723
8/3/17 3:14 P

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Nearly every time I speak with my mother or sister. Mom's 87 and very independent. Sister is 58, going through a divorce, trying to get a job, dealing with 35 year old son drug addict (the one that OD'd a few weeks ago & she did CPR to revive him), and 22 year old son with Stage 4 cancer . . . and so far an 18 year old daughter who seems to have her head screwed on straight.)

Over whelming for me in that they have always looked to me to 'fix' everything, including blame.



Cathy
Makin' it happen. One good decision at a time.


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IAMVICKIB's Photo IAMVICKIB SparkPoints: (46,707)
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8/3/17 8:24 A

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I feel that way quite often with Bob. I want him to take better care of himself and do what needs to be done to get healthier yet he refuses to go to the doctor. He badly needs to get something done about his legs and the pain he's in but he says he's not going to another quack.

1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 616,986
8/3/17 8:19 A

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These last 2 weeks have been overwhelming with all going on w/Dad. That seems to be simmering to a low boil. Thankfully.

but then yesterday my DS called. He and his girl lost a friend to murder. Was on the news (they live in Fairbanks, AK). Just numbing. Utterly tragic and senseless. **SIGH**

Taking things a day-at-a-time.

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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BLUEJAY1969's Photo BLUEJAY1969 Posts: 9,506
8/3/17 5:09 A

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When have you recently felt overwhelmed? Describe the situation.


"and I said to my body softly; "I want to be your friend." it took a long breath and replied; "I have been waiting my whole life for this." - Nayyirah Waheed

Mountain Standard Time, USA

Hugs,
Jeanne


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