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CAT-IN-CJ's Photo CAT-IN-CJ Posts: 5,724
9/12/17 12:38 P

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Agreed.... as I told my 35 year old nephew (who loves drugs/just OD'd on heroin/says he'll always do them) . . .

there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you . . . but I never thought you'd put me to the test.

Cathy
Makin' it happen. One good decision at a time.


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ELLIEJOSIE's Photo ELLIEJOSIE Posts: 1,055
9/12/17 11:48 A

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I agree with the others who posted. In one case, I have allowed contact but only on my terms. I have restricted physical contact to a few times a year, phone calls to a few more. A second case, I have let go so that the person involved can go their way, even as he hurts others around me, and is very much needing the love we offer. It has to be this way, sadly.

ERIN_POSCH's Photo ERIN_POSCH Posts: 15,842
9/12/17 10:25 A

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i agree with barb's short answer. been there, done that. Tough love takes over when other attempts have failed and there is nothing else you can offer to try and help them help themselves. You can't do it for them.

Slow and steady wins the race!
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Erin (58) Medford, OR
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1CRAZYDOG's Photo 1CRAZYDOG Posts: 617,258
9/12/17 7:34 A

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Oh boy. It is a difficult thing to do for sure -- tough love. But . . . had much dealings w/gambling and alcohol addicitions in my extended family. Had to realize the impact it was having on me and just cut off contact. It was destructive. In most instances, thereapy was sought and the addicted ones eventually entered recovery, BUT there truly is no "I am recovered". It is "I am recovering". There isn't an end to it. So, as long as work was done to stay recovering, I allowed a relationship.

I guess the short answer to the question is, the right time for tough love is when you see that the other person's behavior(s) are negatively impacting you and you realize that you cannot change them, they have to want to change themselves.

Love is the root of all things good in life.


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BLUEJAY1969's Photo BLUEJAY1969 Posts: 9,506
9/11/17 9:51 P

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When is the right time to demonstrate “tough love”?


"and I said to my body softly; "I want to be your friend." it took a long breath and replied; "I have been waiting my whole life for this." - Nayyirah Waheed

Mountain Standard Time, USA

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