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1/25/20 3:10 A

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Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/24/20 3:09 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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1/24/20 3:08 P

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from DEE107
In morning service at our church, the pastor asked the
congregation if anyone had something to thank God for.
An elderly gentleman rose to his feet and said, "I want
to thank God for my new hearing aid. Now I can hear
you." He paused before adding with a smile, "When I
want to."

- From Da Mouse Tracks


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1/24/20 10:58 A

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Good to know!! thanks!



…:::Don't think I want to take lessons from her! haha

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1/24/20 9:22 A

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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
NEW-CAZ's Photo NEW-CAZ Posts: 39,115
1/24/20 3:19 A

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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.


Sue I found myself correcting a politician yesterday, one who is normally spot on with his grammar. He kept saying referendums (usual usage) .............and the older ones among us will remember our Latin..........referen-da emoticon

Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/23/20 3:43 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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1/23/20 3:43 P

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Ron and Caz, you're both spot on! LOL


Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Okay then!
Dad goes to Bill Gate.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Bill Gates: Okay then!
Dad goes to the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Dad: Make my son the CEO.
CEO: No.
Dad: My son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
CEO: Okay then!
This is BUSINESS. (And politics!)
laughfactory.com


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1/23/20 12:01 P

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LOL to all these!! Love em!



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1/23/20 8:44 A

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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
NEW-CAZ's Photo NEW-CAZ Posts: 39,115
1/23/20 3:21 A

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Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/22/20 8:37 P

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1/22/20 2:14 P

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Q. What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?
A. Go for the juggler.
Q. Why are mountains not just funny?
A. They are also hill areas.
Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many Cheetahs!
Q: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
A: Cause he was outstanding in his field.
Q: What happens when you play a country song backwards?
A: You get a new truck, a new wife, and a new dog.
Q: Why did the ink pots cry?
A: Their mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.
laughfactory.com


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1/22/20 8:45 A

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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
2BDYNAMIC's Photo 2BDYNAMIC Posts: 61,357
1/21/20 5:33 P

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Love the arrest for the unlicensed fire arm!! emoticon
{And I wondered if sleeping pills got sleepy!} lol

all funny!

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1/21/20 3:32 P

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A proton and an electron walk into a bar

Bar tender turns to them and says

"For you two? No charge!"

"Be Kind Whenever Possible. It Is Always Possible."


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A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

laughfactory.com


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LOL



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1/21/20 9:01 A

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Meanwhile in the Texas panhandle


Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
NEW-CAZ's Photo NEW-CAZ Posts: 39,115
1/21/20 3:27 A

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I love all these posts...............H202 was a hoot!!!



Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/20/20 12:26 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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LOL to both!

Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light." The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?" The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time." They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "What the heck? You're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out." The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you: don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?" The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop; my brother might have been coming."

laughfactory.com


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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
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1/20/20 6:57 A

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Like that one CAZ emoticon

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1/20/20 3:40 A

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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."


Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/19/20 2:28 P

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Sue of Bellingham, WA
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"I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, who weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends... it will be their laugh for the day."

gramma's funnies

ME: PWILLOW1 added in the comments: "A friend of mine tried that diet but he too got hit. He was chasing a little Frence Poodle across the highway."


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These are all great!!!
Too bad about the fellow that went to the bar, RIP



Leader "Slightly Off the Wall" #1 humor team
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1/19/20 12:52 P

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Two chemists walk into a bar

First one says to the bartender "I'll have H2O"
Bar tender hands him a glass and he drinks it down, looking refreshed

Second one thought that was pretty clever. Says to the bartender "Ill Have H2O too!"
....
He died





SPOILER:
(H2O2, incase you didn't get it ;P )

Edited by: DAJODU at: 1/19/2020 (12:53)
"Be Kind Whenever Possible. It Is Always Possible."


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1/19/20 9:06 A

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Meanwhile in Southwest Louisiana . . .


Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
NEW-CAZ's Photo NEW-CAZ Posts: 39,115
1/19/20 3:38 A

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Q: What is a Skeleton's favourite song.

A: Bad to the Bone!


Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."
Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water."
Q: Which two letters in the alphabet are always jealous?
A: NV.
Q: When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, what happens?
A: UCLA.
Q: A cowboy left Montana to go to Texas on Friday and came back on Friday. How did he do it?
A: He named his horse Friday.
Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
A: "Someday my prints will come."
laughfactory.com


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1/18/20 11:14 A

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emoticon And all are hilarious!! Getting more creative
by the day!



Leader "Slightly Off the Wall" #1 humor team
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1/18/20 8:39 A

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This thread is hilarious! Love all the humour!


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1/18/20 7:25 A

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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
NEW-CAZ's Photo NEW-CAZ Posts: 39,115
1/18/20 3:24 A

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Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/17/20 1:20 P

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A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

laughfactory.com


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1/17/20 1:01 P

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NEW-CAZ
THOSE people scare me! ( car mechanic one )


I am loving all these funny humorous posts.....they are making my day.....too may to always comment on individually ....BUT LOVE THEM!

The * gum * one reminded me of a story I often tell about my youngest son. Growing up he was just so naive and easy to make him believe....had him believing in Santa Clause till he was 10...
BUT I DIVERSE ( I do that often emoticon ) so get use to it.....LOL

BACK TO YOUR GUM STORY Heather!!!

When I took my son to the grocery store with me when he was under 5....sat him in the cart seat and then bought lots of those small colored bubble gum from those machines. As I shopped I kept him happy giving him gum.....had some tissues for him to spit out each one he considered done. But each time he asked for a new one he had swallowed the one before.
Kept telling him not to do that but like a 3 year old he never listened.
Forward to getting home and son going off to the toilet for a *poopie* ......next thing he comes screaming and crying out the bathroom door saying-~~~~
* Mommy ....Mommy....Come quick! There are colored *worms* in my poopies!*

I will be back with more *son* stories.....this child kept me chuckling through a very difficult marriage emoticon

Edited by: HOLDINGMYOWN at: 1/17/2020 (13:24)
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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
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When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!

They walk among us, they breed, and they vote

Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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1/16/20 2:30 P

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Love these! emoticon .. I need TOY YODA
for my Toyota!! lol



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"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Nobel."
"Nobel who?"
"No bell that's why I knocked."

laughfactory.com


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Ron G.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” Booker T. Washington
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1/16/20 3:15 A

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guys I just love your posts.........the chewing gum though.............don't think I'll buy any more, put me off for life LOL




Caz, Gorleston, Great Yarmouth, Norfolk UK live with my other half.
Adore UK singer-song writer Robbie Williams. Song I live by; I Love My Life;
I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful,I am free.
I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me
I love my life
adages; Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8.
Getting old is mandatory, growing up is optional .Walt Disney
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


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The obstacle course of life will never stop those who persevere.

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